HOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW?!?!?!?!

I think I've suddenly lost my ability to bloggggggggggg!!!

I don't have anything interesting happening to me recently that doesn't involve the privacy of other people (which means I can't blog about it), and my life has settled into a flat boring plateau of comfort.

OKOK I know...

I shall blog about my (closer) girlfriends!!


Here's their birthdays:


MARCH

Kaykay: March 11th

Eileen: March 8th



APRIL

Qing qing: April 2nd

Shuyin: April 19th

Huifen: April 23rd

Gillian: April something (it's not stated on her facebook -_-)


JUNE

June: June 1st

Rosalyn: June 20th

Wanyi: June 21st

Eekean: June 21st



FUNNY HOR?! It appears I can like my girls to be either from the star signs Pisces, Aries, Taurus or Gemini!

Of course I have other female friends who didn't fall in these signs but I guess I'm not that close to them as those mentioned here.

My female friends are all mostly born in the first half of the year, and almost all my closer guy friends are born in the second half (with the exception of maybe Ming)...

I wonder if the astrology horoscope shit works, or maybe it's just a coincidence? Do people who have their birthdays close to each other tend to have similar traits?

Do your friends have birthdays all close to each other?

Food for thought.

Speaking of food, I'm now fucking fat! I'm like 45kg, which is a 2 or 3 kg disparity from my usual of 42/43, and I'm telling you that 45kg is fucking fat for my height!!

CCB.

I saw Shuyin yesterday and she is DAMN skinny lor! I can see her ribcage all! She went to Shanghai and thought she'd binge there so she asked the doctor for appetite suppressant pills, and in the end she didn't binge in Shanghai so she now looks like a chopstick lor...

I told Mike my intentions to go get those pills too, and to my surprise he told me he also has those pills and he got them for his first trip to Singapore when he was super scared that I would think he is fat!

So just now, I ate a pill, and kuku bird! It doesn't work lor!

According to both Shuyin and Mike, the pills are supposed to:


- Increase your heartbeat rates (coz metabolism increases)

- Give you insommia (very unfortunate side-effect)

- Obviously make you not crave for food



Not only did I fall asleep on my bed 2 hours later (took a short nap) with an indifferently beating heart, I woke up to raving hunger pangs (at 2 am when I ate a full dinner at 8pm) and ate 8 egg tofus and 4 deep-fried spring rolls (which I cleverly ta bao-ed from Kelvin's bdae catering).

WHY DOESN'T IT WORK FOR ME!??

I'm super upset lor!

Am I destined to use photoshop to lose weight for the rest of my life??

At that rate of eating no wonder fat...

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I know what else I can blog about!

I shall blog about typical reader comments which pissed me off recently...

I'm not quoting them word for word but these are the essential meanings to what they said:

1) You can lie about staying in a condo but I know you are not! Your room's layout is exactly the same as mine, and I stay in a HDB flat! And your princess room is so small, it can't be a condo.

.........

Excuse me, but why would I lie about staying in a dumbass condo? It's just a two-room condo in the very end of Singapore - it's not bloody Beverly Hills, so the puny bit of prestige is not even worth my effort to lie.

I've openly told everybody before that I used to stay in a 3-room flat in Teban Gardens, the armpit of Singapore, so why would I have a change of character and decide to lie about my lodgings?

It really pisses me off when people accuse me of things due to their own stupid ridiculous presumptions. Pisses me off even more when other stupid people believe these stupid people!

I'm sorry that your room is the size of my Princess Room, but I'd like to inform you that the "Princess Room" is only one-half of the rather large master bedroom...

Ok this is going nowhere.


2) I can't believe we are paying you but you are still not blogging after so long!


PAYING?

You mean like giving me MONEY?

SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH.

When did you ever pay me ANY money at all?

All you did was to read this site due to your own boredom/kpo-ness, and I DON'T OWE YOU ANY-FUCKING-THING.

If you don't like my tardiness in blogging, just fuck off, will ya?

I hope you get herpes.



3) Mike hasn't left you yet?

Nope... If he ever does I'll be sure to write about it, so you all can gloat and be marginally happier than what you usually are... because your own life is so miserable and sad. Sucks to be you, huh?


4) You (and Qihua) totally look like prostitutes blah blah blah.

Oh wow, you are SUCH AN INSULT GENIUS! I said I was mistaken for a hooker, and therefore, the insult you should say is that I do look like a hooker!

*roll eyes* Oh my, I am so hurt!

I don't care if you think I look like a hooker.

Girls would say that because they are incapable of dressing up like Qihua and I did, or even if they did, it would look shitty coz they are butt-plug ugly.

Guys would say that because they know that hooker-resembling or not, girls like Qihua and I would never fuck them, and it makes them bitter to see self-confident, vain girls.

That's why I always say, ugly people with self-esteem issues are the most annoying.


5) You are so ugly next to Qihua. You are so fat and fake and she is so pretty and natural.

When I told Qihua about this comment, she laughed and said she'd like to tell you guys that she has on eyelash extensions, hair extensions and of course make-up, so what's there to be so "natural" about?

I think it is very ludicrous that these unknown netizens have the nerve and audacity to comment on famous people's looks, because you are probably a sad, timid low-life in real life who would never even dare to speak to me.

Am I right? Would you tell me in my face that I am ugly, and not have me not have the immediate ready retort that you are hideous yourself?


I also don't care that you think Qihua is prettier than me, which she is... and there is nothing much I can do about that, unless I splash some concentrated acid on her face, which I won't because if she turns ugly she'd stop being so vain and I'd like her less.

What's your point in making an obvious comment like that? Are you trying to hurt me? Ruin friendships, perhaps?

It won't work, coz I only care that Mike thinks I'm hot and that I think I'm hot, so those two are satisfied and thus, nothing else really matters! :)

I understand the pleasure of insulting me though, because let's face it, if tomorrow Britney Spears has a blog too, I'd love to insult her and know that I am important enough to make someone as famous as Britney feel hurt.

Me, insignificant Wendy, managed to evoke emotions in the famous Britney Spears!

Complimenting someone is uncool and probably won't get you any attention; insults on the other hand might get you a reaction and not only seems outspoken and brave, but also sort of praises yourself at the same time (ie saying someone is stupid is also saying you are cleverer than that person)!

Insults are the no-brainer choice.

Whatever, dudes.

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Some photos I edited sorta for facebook.

Kaykay and I dressed up as Fafi!!

You won't believe how vain we are lor... We were du lan that we missed Halloween (and a chance to dress up), so one day, I just decided to jio Qihua to come over and take photos and she did... bringing with her an entourage of wigs, socks, and even a box of candy canes and a purple puff for what she called "props".

Lookit! My crazily thick eyelash extensions that have lasted for more than 2 weeks now! Never drop at all!! Call Carragheen at 68849924 if you wanna do too. There are different types of lashes (from $62 to $130) so if you want mine make sure you let them know you want Xiaxue's lashes.

Matchy matchy socks we bought in HK

I'm not including Kaykay's individual shots coz I want more attention on me, thanks! (at least I admit it lor...)

Random shots:

With Mike... in the second pic he took me out for fine(ish) dining! Which is very uncharacteristic of him... I love you bb!!

With my smelly bff



Me, photoshopped to death

Please don't ask me where I bought my colour contacts hor! You'd be horrified (and rather impressed) to know that I DID NOT WEAR CONTACTS AT ALL.

The light brown colour is purely done by photoshop. :D

Li hai or not! Just goes to show you can't trust any photo online at all!

How do young people communicate nowadays? It's ridiculous.

I remember the era when I used to write tomorrow as tomolo (in fact, embarrassingly visible during the start of my blogging days) but the kids nowdays are just completely mad can?

Junne was telling me about how they speak on msn:

Junne:
iie, eeu, gort, wib, lorrs,issh --> are these even words?
they're jus sounds. gosh.


Me:
oh dear
what is wib
that is just ridiculous
what is iie??

Junne:
eeu is YOU, iie is I, got is got, wib is with, issh is IS

Me:
gort is actually 1 alphabet more than got leh
why would they do that??

Junne:
go ask ur bro
lol


And with those words of hers, today I indeed encountered exactly that.

I had a dilemma coz Mike is going out drinking with his colleagues again and no doubt he will come home belligerent, drunk, and 5 hours later than the time he claims he will be home (OK I'm exaggerating a bit, bit yeah, hate when he goes drinking with them), so I didn't want to stay alone at home waiting for him and wasting a good Friday.

Unfortunately for me, my delinquent brother Clinton, 14, said he had a little bridge in between chalets.

One ends at 10pm and the other starts at 2pm, so in between he is stuck in Pasir Ris and wanted to come over to my place (which is 5 mins from Downtown East) to stay the night.

So I got 1 delinquent and 1 belligerent drunk both coming home at ten.

I don't wanna wait at home for them coz both are super untrustworthy!


Thus I called my brother, with his line being engaged.

Few seconds later came a message from him:


"Who are yo0h ...i can only msg ."


Exactly like that, with all the dots and spacings untouched.

Guess it's because his Hi-card doesn't have any more credit or something. Juvenile problems.


I replied:

"I am your sister. What time are you coming over tonight? I wanna go out tonight but you can come too. Can you come over earlier?"


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Clinton:

"Who my sister .. ?whiich sister .. ?"

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GOT SIBEH A LOT OF SISTERS LEH!

HE THINKS MY MOTHER CAN POP SO MANY OUT MEH!


I replied:

"OMG I am going to KILL YOU! I am your REAL sister! Didn't you say you are coming over tonight? Are you that stupid?! And reply my previous sms!"


The reply:

"Yo0h mean yo0h're clinton real sis ...clinton's not using this number alrd."



OMG sibeh paiseh. Stupid brother change number never tell me.

********************************************


NEW VIDEO EPs!!!!!


News Asia on the Net - Ep 6




Catching houseflies for money,
and banning bald Men in Beijing (alliterates somemore)!
Watch!!!



Xiaxue's Guide to Life: Ep 7




Your guide to putting on fake eyelashes!

Now you girls can stop bothering me.

DORMICE, MSN NICKS, AND PUBES

I just bought a new computer!!

Was just transferring files into my portable hard drive when I came across my old chat logs and was reading through them.

The ones with Howard were damn funny! I didn't realize when I chatted with him it used to be so hilarious.

Anyway, I've decided to make a list of the MSN nicks I used to have over the years... They are super ridiculous.

Somehow i forgot my password for part of the logs so there are only a few from long ago:

• Turodriqueismygeniusgod-fellatehimnow (Turodrique made me write this after he said something smart)
  
• Xiaxue: Goddess
• Howard is a prude (Howard refused to go ktv because he cames he has work like a normal person tomorrow. Prude!)
  
• Shalala
• I am actually a banshee
• Ridiculous weather
• I am your mother
• Nobody wants to play minesweeper flags with me!
• Zhengchang sucks in bombsweeper
• Howard is gnome-like
• FREAKING NIGHTMARE
• TSY BLUFF ME (TSY is teo shuyin)
  
• Centipede at my house!
• Cheebye Cloudy ate my duck rice (was super angry!!)
  
• Main menu
• I am a bombshell
• Happy Spring cleaning!
• The next fucker who talks to me about Today will be blocked (Don't even remember what happened)
  
• Hate new year shopping
• My phone is very mei!
• You can call me Taittinger
• You have a long vagina
• Everyone is just jealous of me (Being sarcastic)
  
• MSN is a chao cheebye (MSN won't allow me to sign in!)
  
• I cant type again. CHEZEBYE (MSN allowed me to sign in but won't let me send messages)
  
• I am a mei nu
• Just one day (Mike arriving next day)
  
• Don't understand why we must have pubes (*pube-related story in a bit)
  
• mememememe me!!
• new photoshoot!!
• I am an angel!
• Anyone knows any web designers?
• I want to watch Quidam! Anyone?
• SO MANY NEW GADGETS!
• Bored at home!
• fucking chaocheebyely ugly
• I hate stupid people
• Cheebye singapore schools
• :D
• I'm a football
• I promise to do work

Well, these about summarize my life.

My current nick is "I want a stardust dormouse NOW!"

Because I am obsessed over that animal!

Don't know how many of you seen Stardust yet (GO WATCH IT NOW!) but in the movie the male lead got turned into what was described in the movie as a "mouse"...

But mice are triple-f ugly with their bald tails! Especially the white ones with pink eyes... eww!

And yet, in the show the little grey "mouse" shown had a bushy long tail and super humongous eyes and a soft pink twitchy nose...

So I googled "bushy-tailed mouse" and I found out that the animal used in the movie is called either an African dormouse or... an Edible/Fat dormouse.

I'm not even kidding!! It's thus named Edible because it is considered a delicacy in ancient Rome or something...

Can you believe that one would eat something soooooo fuckkkkkkking cute??!!!!!!

The nose and the ears and the whiskers are super twitchy lor! Bloody cute!!


Apparently got brown and grey kinds... I like the greys more.


Ke ai...







They are super lazy and they are always hibernating!!!

CUTE NOT!!! Curled up and all...

Last pic the cutest lor!

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Awwwwwwwww!!!!

Dormice are so cute!!

THE PICS DON'T DO THEM JUSTICE, THEY LOOK 100% CUTER IN THE MOVIE!

I keep asking Mike to catch me one and he keeps patronising me by saying he will.

When I asked him why he even bothers to answer my endless inane questions (Example: I am a bunny, ok? OK? OK?) when he totally doesn't mean his answers at all, he looked at me and said that it's because I won't stop pestering him for an answer until he answers me.

Which is true. I need a constant stream of attention, or I'll just drop dead and die.

No seriously! While other people's biggest fear may be heights or spiders, mine is the fear of being ALONE (and not knowing if I'll ever have company again).

I'd rather, for example, choose to be stuck in a secluded island forevermore with Steven Lim (provided he wouldn't rape me) than be alone. That's how bad it is!

I think I'd rather die than be alone. :(

When I asked Qihua whether she would rather be stuck on an island forevermore with this horribly stupid, mad and vapid chick she knows (I can't say the name...) or Steven Lim, she immediately chose Steven Lim lor! (also provided he won't rape or molest la)

She said he is a boy so can she make use of him to build houses and transport items what...

When I asked "Then he sing song all that to you how?! Then keep talking rubbish and acting crazy..." she said with the air of someone completely indifferent, "Just ignore him whenever he talks la!"

So bad hor make use of people to move things then when people talk you ignore him...

ANYWAY BACK TO THE DORMOUSE!

I wanna buy one but apparently they are all endangered and shit! What's wrong with all these cute creatures! Slow loris also endangered!



*Oh yeah the pubes issue...

(This probably won't interest the guys, not that the dormouse photos did)

Super duper embarrassing lor. Today right, I went to *ahem* somewhere to do IPL on you-know-where la...

The thing is, IPL is damned expensive right, and people at spas and all are always trying to make us sign bloody 2k worth of packages - like 8 sessions of IPL or something.

For those of you who don't know, IPL is using some lasers to get rid of body hair semi-permanently, and if you shoot your skin for around 8 times or so, all the hairs will stop growing for around 2 years.

So I checked with this place (let's call it S... although I think you all know what it is) how much their IPL costs.

Apparently, if you sign a package that costs like thousands, each session is around $360.

Now if you imagine, that machine is bought for a definite price, and each session only involves the beautician shaving off your pubes for you and rolling a cold metal roller on you and then shooting rays into your skin... for 15 mins, and it's done.

Worth $360 meh!?

To the company, doing an IPL for someone only costs:


- 30min of an employee's time (if $10 per hour, I count this as $5)

-15mins of electricity for the machine (maybe 50 cents)

- rental of the day divided by 48 divided by amount of customers in the shop at that time = $10 maybe?

- Aircon I benefited from (free...? or maybe $0.20, I dunno)



RIDICULOUS LOR!


This is assuming they have earned back the money they spent on a machine, which I am sure they have.

(Qihua says I cannot count like that, companies charge us according to how much we save from waxing in the long run etc... Still! That would mean that places probably can afford to give way more competitive prices what!)


So needless to say, I wouldn't pay $360 for one measly IPL session.

However, the first trial costs $180 only (still steep, but at least S is a trusted place).

In most places, first trial sessions are mostly much much cheaper than the usual, coz they want you to come back and sign a package with them!

So around 4 months ago, I did my first trial - and it was good!

After that, I thought to myself...

Why not I be super brilliant and just go to different places to do free trials all the time?!

That way I can save a lot of money right?!

Thinking that S probably has a lot of beauticians and they won't recognise me, I went to a different outlet and did IPL again... and it costed me $180 again.

Happily, I thought they keep records based on credit cards (and the first time I paid by cash) so I drew out $180 and went to S for another "first" trial today.

The girl at the counter asked me if it's the first time I am doing IPL.


"Yes," I confidently replied.

"What's your phone number?" she asked.

I felt a tinge of dread, but gave her my number anyway.

"You never did it before?" she politely asked me. "But our records say that you did it twice before..."

"Oh," I had an answer ready. "That was my mom, I booked for her..."

"Oh but it says here you already did it two times..." she argued. Another beautician walked into the counter and stood beside her to see what the commotion was about.

"Yeah both times are her, I dunno la..." I replied, and I was getting ready to take on the 'how dare you accuse me' approach for good measure when the quiet beautician beside the receptionist quipped up...


"Shang ci shi wo bang ni zuo de..." ("Your previous IPL session was done by me")



Completely can't recognise her coz she looks quite nondescript!!!!

I can imagine that my face literally deflated and turned a shade of pink that couldn't be seen underneath my make-up.

There was an awkward silence while all revelled in my amazingly bad ability to lie, and the receptionist, recovering the fastest, continued by trying to convince me to take on the "package".

These people never quit!

Completely embarrassed, I got stuck in limbo between apologizing for my blatant lie and acting like nothing happened - in the end of course I chose the cowardly way, and, unwilling to pay $360, got a normal wax instead.

Sigh.

Those people are damn pro lor! They completely acted like nothing happened. I presume that people try to cheat them of first trials all the time.

Next time I am going to JB to do.

Cheap lor there!! And plus, won't get recognised!!

I hope they don't cut people's clits off or something.

"SORRY MAM, WE THOUGHT YOU WANT CIRCUMCISION, NO?"

Feng diao...


OEI STOP SAYING I AM GIAM OK! $360 per IPL session is fucking ex la! And I am not being cheap, I am being smart! If I got to different salons to do first trials, I am not cheating them what! It is indeed my first trial with that particular salon!


Good night!

I'm going to play Luxor on my new PSP and sleep.

I bought a new PSP!! Traded in my bandung-pink one for a shimmery baby pink one. The new PSPs are much much smaller and slimmer and chioer and lighter than the old ones!

I coaxed Qihua to buy it by casually mentioning that they are selling it in purple, her fav colour. Heeheheehe! I am a BAD friend!

p/s: My facebook is chioness!! Please DO NOT add me if I don't know you personally though!