The Land of Smiles (I)

So yes, my Bangkok trip!

It was so super fun! To be fair I didn't buy much stuff (like only $300 worth or so I think), but I did go with all guys, so we did a lot more sightseeing and exploring Bangkok than anything else!

I saw so many amazing things that had my jaw dropping.

I totally dig Bangkok man. I wanna go back again!

This is part I, because there are so many photos you are bound to be drowning in them if I post them all at one go.

Changi Airport

That familar board makes me very excited every time...

Upon checking in, we were horrifed to realise that our flight was 845pm and not 645 like what the tour agency told us! Wah lau!

The boys in front, queuing...

Russell's (with gf in photo) dad is a pilot, and Kelvin and him kept complaining about the queuing, because they don't usually fly economy, yadda yadda... It really took super long - coz there were a bunch of dumb people in front who had some problems. Grr!

But we are going to Bangkok! And thus nothing can spoil my mood!

Tim's mp3 player is very loud.

Sitting on Russell's bigass luggage! He brought it there 1/3 filled only and said it was for us, in case we needed more space for our shopping.... Awww...

AND WE GO INTO THE PLANE! Excited!

Don't know what Kel is digging for...



I think my flower makes me look very holiday-ish! :D



Yuck, airplane food!

The flight there was very good, a smooth take-off and landing, I didn't even get nauseous like I usually do. Christian says that the best pilots are Scandinavian. I like blondes!! When the pilot spoke in Finnish I was squealing to Russell how sexy it sounds (a lot of rrrr sounds and sounds like Elfish) and Russell slapped me with a spare life jacket.

Speaking of blondes, there wasn't any cute stewards. The Finnish were old and wrinkly, and the younger ones were ugly Thais. Sigh.

AND WE REACH BANGKOK, THAILAND!

I'm gonna die from my roaming charges...



Smoking is bad, but check out their dustbins!
BIA stands for Bangkok International Airport. :)



The Thais are a lot more blatant about their elitism.

We take a short ride to Royal Parkview Hotel!

One of our rooms was a corner one, and it is super big! There were 3 "areas", the living room where the couch is, the bed area, and the toilet area, with the wardrobe and luggage table.

What a deal.

I must say services aren't that good though, they sometimes tend to forget to clean up the rooms.

If you think Singaporean ciggies look bad, check out the Thai ones. Ten times worse. They freak me out!

We quickly move to Chatuchak weekend market.


Cute!

It was so crowded, and it started to rain, so we stopped shopping after a while and started on food.

Thai coke cans and their cute custom of stuffing straws under the tab.



Kelvin and I ordered roast duck curry with rice noodles or something. Nice!


"Is that an animal whip?!"

One of those carts outside was a sex shop.

Kelvin: "One of those bottles might contain something called the Spanish Fly..."

Me: "What is that?"

Kelvin: "Makes the girl itchy, eh, down there lar, then she will supposedly rub herself and make herself aroused, and have sex with you."

Me: "How you know?"

Kelvin: "I heard lar!"

Me: "What terrible things you men invent!"

Kelvin: "Rubbish, how you know it is a man who invented it, might be a girl."

Haha!

Hmmm... I checked and realised that Spanish Fly is an urban legend.

Cock rings! So funny, once again I asked the boys what this is for, and they said that the hair is supposed to give the girl pleasure by being ticklish.

I don't think so! I expect it to just irritate; looks rather prickly to me!

LOL very ugly dildos.

After this we experienced one very important Bangkok culture trait: Traffic jams!!

I love Bangkok's taxis! They are very plentiful (never had to wait for more than 1 minute for one), they have no regard whatsoever for traffic rules (speeding blatantly pass red lights and so on), and they come in many brilliant colours!!

My favourite is the pink one of course!! There's also bright orange and baby purple.

This motorcyclist was stuck in the jam beside us, and he kept stroking his daughter's hair... So sweet!

I took out my camera and mimed a permission to take a photo. As per normal with Thai culture, he smiled and turned his bike towards me and nudged his daughter to smile.

She was shy however. Very pretty!

Oh btw, you don't see like only got two people sitting on the bike ok! The mom is sitting at the back!

And good gracious me! THE MAX I SAW ON THE BIKE IS FIVE PEOPLE!! 3 kids 2 adults. Very amazing right these Thais!

We went to MBK next, and I am really disappointed... I remember years before there were SO MANY things to buy there! Now, the stuff there are seriously quite ex, and the quality is not that good either.

I blame the farangs, or what we call Angmohs. Thailand is INFESTED with dumbass farangs. They really spoil market for everyone else lor! They pay an exorbitant fee for everything, and the Thais jack up prices. :(

But we cannot blame the farangs, afterall the prices in their countries is so much more expensive, to them everything in Thailand must be real cheap. Why bother to bargain?

Sigh, very gross, you see the way the cab drivers flock to the farangs and how the Thai girls (bargirls I suspect) sit on the farangs' thighs and pull them to buy things in shops.

The farangs are very glad to be exploited because they do have the moolah.

Oh some of the Thai cabs have the sticker "I love Farangs - foreigners welcome, I speak English!". Blatant!

A bit racist hor, but a different kind. I suppose it is not racism, it is capitalism.

Ronald says hi to all the fellow farangs, and gives them a "wai".

AH KUA SHOW!!

Cantonese


English


Thai

And all lip-synced! They are so beautiful, my god.

The Ah kua shows cost around $20, which is rather expensive considering how many things that can buy in Thailand, but it is a must watch, because the Thais are really the best at the things they do.

Even the details of the props at the back will amaze you.

Ooooh fake boobies...

After a few songs the trannies left the stage and walked out, machiam beauty pageant.

Never seen so many in my life!

I was like, sian, over already, then I walked smack into hundreds of silicon boobs, cleverly cleaved camel toes and pitched voices... THE "GIRLS" WERE WAITING OUTSIDE!

The boys suddenly all turned shy and refused to move. I pushed them to take photos...

Kelvin and his substandard camera skills!!

Wah lau, you know I was quite filled with awe at these trannies, thinking they look very glamourous and classy (was damn ashamed of my ratty hair), when they started opening their mouths and asking for money.

"You gimme tips!"
"Must pay money, I take photo with you!"
"500 baht! You give me 500! ($20 sing)"

Extremely buay paiseh leh! I was like, huh, 500 baht I can go potong myself already lar, for what I pay to take photo with you! Ok lar maybe not enough to potong, but still, $20 sing dollars for a photo? YOU MUST BE MAD!

I don't think it takes much talent to take a damn photo, so I gave three girls only 20 baht each. LOL... Coz the boys gave 100 baht. Very giam right? But boh pian, I don't have change! It's either 20 or 100 and I can't possibly pay 300 baht for one damn blur picture!

Scary, these "girls"...



But very gorgeous...

I asked our tour guide how much it costs for rhinoplasty (nose job) in Thailand, and she said it costs....

YOU GUESS?!

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FREAKING $300!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CANNOT TAKE IT!!!! *HYPERVENTILATES* It is so CHEAP! I want I want!

Don't stop me, I'm going. Stop pulling my sleeve! Hey let me go!

As I needed more evidence the Thai doctors are good, she appears, basking in her own special corner, when the rest of the trannies were just standing in line...

Clearly the best looker of the trannies, she stands, smiling, in front of her own printed poster...

In the smallest and most dejected of voice I concede that I lose. I lose big time. She is prettier, taller, more elegant, and even her damn hips are rounder than mine.

As a real woman I have no guts to face this cruel world anymore. I shall thus kill myself. After I finish this entry.

We then proceeded to Bed Supper Club, which is damn nice! Everything there is white and minimalistic.

But expensive! Someone told me that the clubs in Thailand don't usually pander to the locals, so it will mostly be bargirls and farangs you see inside... Before 12 is costs $24 to enter, with 2 drinks free.

Tim and I

Wah lau I put my make up in the dark hotel room and it looks damn patchy, without me realising.

There are two levels and you can climb a ladder up! :)

I told Russell to act like a drunkard lol...

Farangs...


The beds are so comfy!

Ok! End of today's entry!

It is rather boring isn't it? Coz all the interesting stuff are later! The Chatuchak animals (hedgehogs, slow lorises, endless super cute pups, all secretly taken photos, sheesh!), the sex shows, and the boys all getting a makeover! :D

I love Thailand!! *hugs Thailand* (I know you cannot hug a country but shut up)

The trick to winning the game is to find the dots with only 3 lines sticking to it, and PULL THEM TO THE 4 CORNERS. I know! I so clever right? :D

As for Kelvin's car's button, as a blog reader said, it is for the wind deflector. NOT a window defroster, duh.

What the fuck is wrong with you people?!

Why are there so MANY stupid people around? My last article was clearly in praise of Dawn, so why are there still so many people saying STUPID THINGS LIKE I AM JEALOUS?

Why should I be jealous? I know her, and as a person I do like her. Stop using that word, it is ridiculously overused by IDIOTS. Everytime someone says something not favourable, it must be jealousy? It can't be... wait... SENSE?

And what is with this bullshit about "she has a blog and thus she is a blogger"?

ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT?

YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE BLOGS ARE BLOGGERS? Stop quoting my panasonic entry about me saying she is a blogger, asswipe, like you are so clever. Are you ugly? You must be. Now my blog entries feel disgustingly raped by your rampant perusal.

Everyone who blogs is a blogger? If you are so clever, then answer me... But first tell me your name. Is it Lumpy? So Lumpy, if you can manage to swim half a lap without dying, is it right for me to call you "Lumpy the swimmer"?

No, because calling you Lumpy the Guy-Who-Fucked-His-Cabbage-Patch-Kid-Doll would be a little more appropriate as a the defining title for you.

The other only great thing you did that people can remember was of course growing the biggest facial wart in Toa Payoh by the age of 7(or so your mommy says proudly, fondling it, my clever little lumplump baby boy...), but you didn't like the fact that the soccer boys kept trying prick it to see if it will implode and thus kill you, so you try to keep the warts thing to yourself.

Lumpy, of course, since you are so mediocre (by mediocre I mean scum of society), if you blog, I suppose we can also call you a "Blogger". But of course, your turd of a blog has a grand readership of half a person a day, because someone once told you (the biggest of the soccer kids) that how much of a person you are is measured by your penis size. (By virtue of the wise soccer kid, girls are measured by boobies)

Yours is 2.5 inches at max when you see that one particular soccer kid (my, those socks, those tight stripey socks!), and even the Japanese statistics cannot tell you that the national average is anything less than 5 inches.

So you suppose you are counted as half a person...

But Lumpy, despite your name, can you not lump a mediocre person like yourself (how dare you Lumpy!) with Dawn. You can be called a "Lumpy the blogger" only because you are so non-descript, otherwise.

I stick by my view, which is that Dawn is famous mostly coz she is hot, so she is a hot person who blogs. Understand? Avril Lavgine also blogs, but she is a Singer who blogs, not a Blogger who sings and sells platinum albums for fun.

But of course, you can still continue calling Dawn a blogger if you want to, WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FUCKING OPINIONS? Nobody is asking you to agree with me; I can't be right all the time, though I do pretty good, so agreeing with me should be a clever thing to do.

Please: If you have an IQ of 90 and below (Lumpy's 86), do not read my blog. Hell, make that 120. (Yes, mine is above 148, in case idiots say stupid things like "Yours might not even be above 90." Great news twerp, it is way above yours, so you are not fit to comment on my intellect, unless you have proven your IQ, via a qualified test, that it is higher than mine.)

- I'm drowning in a pool of stupids -

p/s: Edwin only said "Don't be scared of offending people, and just write your honest opinions", and obviously not the other sentences after that. He also added that "so long as we are fair in our commentaries and opinions, and we have given the people involved the right to reply, then we shouldn't shy away from writing negative opinion pieces."

Bangkok pretty much sucked

JUST KIDDING! Bangkok rules BIG TIME!!! Almost everything is fabulous here *cough compared to previous holiday cough*!

The people are very friendly and nice (I credit that to almost everyone being a devoted buddhist), the guys not lecherous (only the farangs are, but they are only lecherous for the Thai girls) and even the weather is cool (light rain occasionally)!

ME LOVE BANGKOK A LOT!!

The only thing which sucks is the internet - which obviously we can't complain about because computer language is primarily English, and the Thais can't converse well in it. :)

I'm blogging this in the hotel computer - which claims to be broadband but is slower than a chang (Thai for elephant! :D).

As I am blogging, there is a nice computer in-charge behind me, and he is using an electronic thingy to kill mosquitoes! Perfecto! It is so cute; shaped like a badminton racquet, and you sweep it around...

The first time the guy used it, he managed to lightly glaze one mossie and the mosquito fainted on the floor, spasming and twitching. Damn funny. I took out one fake-birkies-clad foot to prepare to vindictively step on it, when the guy stopped me and used his forefinger and thumb to pick it up.

I was feeling a little puzzled as to why he is not killing the disgusting mosquito, when he put his kill into the racquet thingy.

The mosquito went POP POP POP POP POP and emitted bright blue electronic sparks!!!

VERY COOL VERY COOL!

When it finished popping, I tried to look for the mosquito, and it is gone!

"Where is the mosquito?" I asked, amused.

"Oh" he laughes, "Mosquito burn!"

WAHAHAHA

Okok... I only have 2 minutes left to use the computer. To sum things up, it as been real fun here! I've seen the Thai girls show (took one secret picture and almost got my cam confiscated - all for you all you know!), and even saw two elephants walking along patpong!! :D A lot more, but I'll tell my stories when I come back.

More blogging later! I miss the blogging world already...

Right now, I am going back to the room to play bridge with the guys.

TA! :D