Ha! Now everyone is writing bad comments! I think u people just want me to respond and rebutt, ala previous post.
But too bad! I can't be bothered. I shall just delete the comments.
Lalala!
Shall blog later, I'm too tired after Nicholas tse's stepsister's wedding at the Ritz.
Saturday, November 22, 2003
Thursday, November 20, 2003
When there is love, there will be hate. For every 30 or so people who tell me they absolutely love me, there would be 1 idiot who wishes to be special and begs to differ.
Hate Mail?
Here are my responses.
(They are uneditted. The email address is real, you guys can spam him all you want. The words in bold are my responses.)
From: "Kenneth Yong"
Subject: My friend icq me ur blog site; first impression, NICE Interface! Sparked my curiosity, until I came across...
To: xiaxue_blog@yahoo.co.uk
My friend icq me ur blog site; first impression, NICE Interface! Sparked my curiosity, until I came across at ur comments on the FHM page (true, guys NEVER miss such pages). Whatever.
It is VERY offending how u term S'pore men to be ALL the same with bad taste.
When did I say that? I'm saying generally. Or at least those who voted. I did not say that all of them have bad tastes.
Get a grip, FHM is available in many different countries, naturally, contents are different. During a poll on Top100 sexiest women, UK/US FHM will have their TOP 100 while SG/Asian FHM will have theirs too. Asian men's tastes are always different from Caucasians. So dun compare.
You are an idiot you know? Precisely because it is different, we compare. Whats the point of comparing two identical things? And guess what? I wanna compare, I compare. You cannot stop me, or control me. Its my blog and if u are not happy, don't read it.
And about the CONSPIRACY abt the Mediacorp artists in the SG FHM's TOP 100, even if its TRUE, its abt POLITICS, u'll understand when u grow older or started working in the MEDIA/ADVERTISING industry.
Whats your fucking point?
Every SG man has different unique taste, and FHM is MEANT for men to comment abt the girls in the content, NOT for young girls the LIKES OF YOU to even comment abt the girls (who are pretty enough to warrant a page or a corner in FHM) in FHM, least to comment abt the taste of SG men being bad.
FHM was meant for men to comment? Correct. Thus, I did not comment in FHM. And my blog site, if for ME TO COMMENT. So I comment in my site. Whats wrong? And guess what? The taste of SG men is bad. I repeat that. The taste of SG men is bad. It is my opinion, and I am saying that in a little space of my own in the internet world (and if u realise u are the intruder here), what's wrong? My blog is supposed to be for me to write my intimate thoughts. I am generous enough to share it with people who enjoy it. If you don't, fuck off and don't come back!
IRONICALLY, while u commented that SG men who voted the girls to that particular spot in the poll has no taste, those girls are MUCH prettier than YOU in any way.
Where's the irony? Help me, I need a Phillips Bulb, I can't find it. So what if they are prettier? If you use your miniscule brain to think, I am not saying that SG men should choose me to have good taste. I am saying that there are many many sexier females out there, and the results are just appalling. And I am not even talking about Angmohs here. The truly sexy Asian women like Shu Qi and Vivian Hsu are just missing, to be replaced by what, Constance Song? It is ridiculous.
And of course, so what if they are prettier? Can't I comment that they are ugly?! What bullshit. Does that also mean that u cannot comment food taste bad when u can't cook better? Stop being a fucking arsehole. Even if I look like Quasimodo, I can still say that Constance Song is ugly. So there.
Quote: "Thats all folks! Since I spend so much effort doing this, please send this URL to as many men as possible to let them realise how bad their taste is.
Send it to girls to let us all rejoice in agreeing that Singaporean men's taste suck, which is why I remain single till this day."
Hahaha, you didn't choose to REMAIN SINGLE till this day, its because YOU DUN HAVE A CHOICE! Because, SG men's taste is GOOD ENUF not to choose the LIKES of YOU! YOU are juz LEFT ON THE SHELF~~~~~
LOL my dear. You know what u sound like? A 3 yr old kid. If you happen to read the rest of my blog, you will realise that there are plenty of men who are interested in me. And I am not even talking about the internet world, where my mailbox is flooded everyday with "friend" requests. I'm talking about real life.
But part of what you said is true. I am not single because SG men's taste suck. I am single coz the men I meet are not good enough for me, or it just happens that I do not have feelings for them.
Left on the shelf? ME?! LOL... Possible my dear. I would rather sit on the shelf and play with my palmtop then degrade myself to be with a guy who is not worth it. Like you, perhaps.
Quote"Alright actually I didn't put in that much effort." hahaha, even if YOU ever put in any effort, ya, those with bad taste might be interested.
Get a Grip and grow up! And dun ever lump all SG men together as the same. Becuz EVERYONE is unique, like you, ur friends, and me.
Whats the point here? That I should grow up? Yes, I wish I could, like 10 cm? Oh well.
But hey, guess who should grow up? Who is writing with shorthand? Becuz?? What the hell is "becuz"?
Who is the one whose real name is KENNETH YONG but uses a stupid Japanese name instead? What kinda idiot uses Japanese alias nowadays? You think you are really whats that, Tenshi Sensi? What the hell is a Tenshi Sensi anyway? It sounds like a sushi plus a perfume.
I wonder who should grow up. Mentally.
Yes. YOU. Are u still donning floppy Japanese socks?
If you are not afraid to put the above comments of mine, on your blog, for everyone to see, I'll respect your effort. I'll return to this place to check out your replies, and the replies from the rest of your friends. Last but not least, I dun want to make war, I am juz fighting back for the sake of SG men, because of ur offending comments in the FHM pages. You started it first! Are you mature enough to handle this issue? Or you're juz going to delete this entry away? We shall see...
LOL, challenging me? Why should I be afraid of a stupid internet person like you? You are the one in my site, and I am the one with the power. And I remember you, you are the idiot who said I was racist some time ago, about the Indian woman dream huh?
I thought you don't like what I write? That entry was like centuries ago. Why are u still here? Shoo, and have a great time with your "japanese" poseur existence on the internet.
---TENCHI SENSI---
Oh, shut the fuck up. Tenchi your head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think its good that you're honest about yourself but there are some things that can be put forth less blatantly....you're trying to look rich? what for? For more respect, so people would think u have class? really...thats the lamest thing ive ever heard....Its not a rich look that gives u all that...its how u carry yourself. Expensive phones or ex looking clothes mean nothing in the real world. Give it some time..you'll grow up and see it for yourself.
disgusted | 11.19.03 - 6:41 am | #
Did I say I want more respect? And its the lamest thing u have ever heard? Well, its time to wake up, coz u are hallucinating and I did not ever say anything like that.
Its just an image I like. No particular reason. Like people like to act Jap, or some people go Punk and stuff. I like the rich look. Thats all.
I did not buy my phones coz they are expensive. I buy them coz I like them. Duh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jeremy will never have sex with you even if u offer yourself to him. so dream on...or wake up!
TRUTH | 11.19.03 - 9:00 pm | #
On the contrary. I do think Jeremy would have had sex with me if maybe we were in a secluded island alone or something. But thats not the point. The point is, you do not know Jeremy, and thus, your statement is utterly unfounded. You cannot prove that Jeremy would not have sex with me, so dream on... or wake up!
And I do not really want Jeremy to have sex with me. Oh wait.. Ok maybe I do.. But thats not the point. The point is, I WAS JOKING. What kinda idiot cannot understand that?!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And about the Weihui issue.
Just one point. Kaiwei did not choose Weihui because she is better than me. Kaiwei chose her because she came first, 5 years ago. If she is that great, Kaiwei would not have lied to me in an effort to make me his gf.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yup thats all. And in future, if you wanna write bad comments, have some balls and send it to my email. NOT LEAVE AN ANONYMOUS COMMENT LIKE SOME SHIVELLED PRUNES.
Hate Mail?
Here are my responses.
(They are uneditted. The email address is real, you guys can spam him all you want. The words in bold are my responses.)
From: "Kenneth Yong"
Subject: My friend icq me ur blog site; first impression, NICE Interface! Sparked my curiosity, until I came across...
To: xiaxue_blog@yahoo.co.uk
My friend icq me ur blog site; first impression, NICE Interface! Sparked my curiosity, until I came across at ur comments on the FHM page (true, guys NEVER miss such pages). Whatever.
It is VERY offending how u term S'pore men to be ALL the same with bad taste.
When did I say that? I'm saying generally. Or at least those who voted. I did not say that all of them have bad tastes.
Get a grip, FHM is available in many different countries, naturally, contents are different. During a poll on Top100 sexiest women, UK/US FHM will have their TOP 100 while SG/Asian FHM will have theirs too. Asian men's tastes are always different from Caucasians. So dun compare.
You are an idiot you know? Precisely because it is different, we compare. Whats the point of comparing two identical things? And guess what? I wanna compare, I compare. You cannot stop me, or control me. Its my blog and if u are not happy, don't read it.
And about the CONSPIRACY abt the Mediacorp artists in the SG FHM's TOP 100, even if its TRUE, its abt POLITICS, u'll understand when u grow older or started working in the MEDIA/ADVERTISING industry.
Whats your fucking point?
Every SG man has different unique taste, and FHM is MEANT for men to comment abt the girls in the content, NOT for young girls the LIKES OF YOU to even comment abt the girls (who are pretty enough to warrant a page or a corner in FHM) in FHM, least to comment abt the taste of SG men being bad.
FHM was meant for men to comment? Correct. Thus, I did not comment in FHM. And my blog site, if for ME TO COMMENT. So I comment in my site. Whats wrong? And guess what? The taste of SG men is bad. I repeat that. The taste of SG men is bad. It is my opinion, and I am saying that in a little space of my own in the internet world (and if u realise u are the intruder here), what's wrong? My blog is supposed to be for me to write my intimate thoughts. I am generous enough to share it with people who enjoy it. If you don't, fuck off and don't come back!
IRONICALLY, while u commented that SG men who voted the girls to that particular spot in the poll has no taste, those girls are MUCH prettier than YOU in any way.
Where's the irony? Help me, I need a Phillips Bulb, I can't find it. So what if they are prettier? If you use your miniscule brain to think, I am not saying that SG men should choose me to have good taste. I am saying that there are many many sexier females out there, and the results are just appalling. And I am not even talking about Angmohs here. The truly sexy Asian women like Shu Qi and Vivian Hsu are just missing, to be replaced by what, Constance Song? It is ridiculous.
And of course, so what if they are prettier? Can't I comment that they are ugly?! What bullshit. Does that also mean that u cannot comment food taste bad when u can't cook better? Stop being a fucking arsehole. Even if I look like Quasimodo, I can still say that Constance Song is ugly. So there.
Quote: "Thats all folks! Since I spend so much effort doing this, please send this URL to as many men as possible to let them realise how bad their taste is.
Send it to girls to let us all rejoice in agreeing that Singaporean men's taste suck, which is why I remain single till this day."
Hahaha, you didn't choose to REMAIN SINGLE till this day, its because YOU DUN HAVE A CHOICE! Because, SG men's taste is GOOD ENUF not to choose the LIKES of YOU! YOU are juz LEFT ON THE SHELF~~~~~
LOL my dear. You know what u sound like? A 3 yr old kid. If you happen to read the rest of my blog, you will realise that there are plenty of men who are interested in me. And I am not even talking about the internet world, where my mailbox is flooded everyday with "friend" requests. I'm talking about real life.
But part of what you said is true. I am not single because SG men's taste suck. I am single coz the men I meet are not good enough for me, or it just happens that I do not have feelings for them.
Left on the shelf? ME?! LOL... Possible my dear. I would rather sit on the shelf and play with my palmtop then degrade myself to be with a guy who is not worth it. Like you, perhaps.
Quote"Alright actually I didn't put in that much effort." hahaha, even if YOU ever put in any effort, ya, those with bad taste might be interested.
Get a Grip and grow up! And dun ever lump all SG men together as the same. Becuz EVERYONE is unique, like you, ur friends, and me.
Whats the point here? That I should grow up? Yes, I wish I could, like 10 cm? Oh well.
But hey, guess who should grow up? Who is writing with shorthand? Becuz?? What the hell is "becuz"?
Who is the one whose real name is KENNETH YONG but uses a stupid Japanese name instead? What kinda idiot uses Japanese alias nowadays? You think you are really whats that, Tenshi Sensi? What the hell is a Tenshi Sensi anyway? It sounds like a sushi plus a perfume.
I wonder who should grow up. Mentally.
Yes. YOU. Are u still donning floppy Japanese socks?
If you are not afraid to put the above comments of mine, on your blog, for everyone to see, I'll respect your effort. I'll return to this place to check out your replies, and the replies from the rest of your friends. Last but not least, I dun want to make war, I am juz fighting back for the sake of SG men, because of ur offending comments in the FHM pages. You started it first! Are you mature enough to handle this issue? Or you're juz going to delete this entry away? We shall see...
LOL, challenging me? Why should I be afraid of a stupid internet person like you? You are the one in my site, and I am the one with the power. And I remember you, you are the idiot who said I was racist some time ago, about the Indian woman dream huh?
I thought you don't like what I write? That entry was like centuries ago. Why are u still here? Shoo, and have a great time with your "japanese" poseur existence on the internet.
---TENCHI SENSI---
Oh, shut the fuck up. Tenchi your head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think its good that you're honest about yourself but there are some things that can be put forth less blatantly....you're trying to look rich? what for? For more respect, so people would think u have class? really...thats the lamest thing ive ever heard....Its not a rich look that gives u all that...its how u carry yourself. Expensive phones or ex looking clothes mean nothing in the real world. Give it some time..you'll grow up and see it for yourself.
disgusted | 11.19.03 - 6:41 am | #
Did I say I want more respect? And its the lamest thing u have ever heard? Well, its time to wake up, coz u are hallucinating and I did not ever say anything like that.
Its just an image I like. No particular reason. Like people like to act Jap, or some people go Punk and stuff. I like the rich look. Thats all.
I did not buy my phones coz they are expensive. I buy them coz I like them. Duh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jeremy will never have sex with you even if u offer yourself to him. so dream on...or wake up!
TRUTH | 11.19.03 - 9:00 pm | #
On the contrary. I do think Jeremy would have had sex with me if maybe we were in a secluded island alone or something. But thats not the point. The point is, you do not know Jeremy, and thus, your statement is utterly unfounded. You cannot prove that Jeremy would not have sex with me, so dream on... or wake up!
And I do not really want Jeremy to have sex with me. Oh wait.. Ok maybe I do.. But thats not the point. The point is, I WAS JOKING. What kinda idiot cannot understand that?!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And about the Weihui issue.
Just one point. Kaiwei did not choose Weihui because she is better than me. Kaiwei chose her because she came first, 5 years ago. If she is that great, Kaiwei would not have lied to me in an effort to make me his gf.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yup thats all. And in future, if you wanna write bad comments, have some balls and send it to my email. NOT LEAVE AN ANONYMOUS COMMENT LIKE SOME SHIVELLED PRUNES.
One upon a time there was this woman who looked like Cher. She may have once been beautiful, who knows? But now, she just looks scary beyond all reason.
So anyway, 17 years ago this woman had sex with an albino, and after that, she got a baby daughter who looks really pretty, and her face was white as snow, her hair a jet black, and her lips red as blood. The proud mother called her Snow White.
The albino daddy of Snow White decided to turn gay, so the mother brought her baby daughter to the local pub where she could drown all her sorrows. Alas, she got drunk again, but this time, the one night stand turned out to be a Prince! The desperate Prince was forced by his dying mum to marry a fat and ugly princess from the next country before he could be King, so he decided to marry Snow White's mum instead, faking his mum that Snow White was his daughter but he was just afraid to acknowledge her a year ago.
The Prince's mother died and the Prince was made King, making Snow White a princess.
Now there's a problem. As the Queen got older and more wrinkled, the King seems to eye beautiful Snow White more and more. One day, the Queen saw the King touch Snow White's hands lustily!
"AHEM!"
The King and Snow White jumped apart.
"My King, it has been long since you gave me a gift.... I want a servant who can tell me how beautiful I am everyday, because apparently my daugther is getting more attractive than me, isn't she?!! HUH?!"
The King gave a loud grunt and heck cared the Queen, so the angry Queen smacked the King on the head with a piece of Char Siew.
"Oww~! That fucking hurts! What was that for? And where did that piece of thing come from?!"
"Its for ignoring me, you bastard! And its apparently called a Char Siew, this thing. Someone mailed it to me. I find no use for it except to whack you."
"Whatever. You are a wrinkled as Lee Kwan Yew."
"Who is that?!"
"Some Chinese man which our prophet says will be the most wrinkled man on Earth in future."
"Our prophet always talks bullshit! Ask him to predict the next war and he will say something like, 'Do-do birds will be extinct.' Wtf? Do-do birds will never be extinct, they are everywhere! What an idiotic prophet we have!"
The King took advantage of the situation, grabbed the Char Siew, and smacked the Queen on the head.
"Go get urself that magic mirror in my room and stop yakking and yakking! Leave me alone with Snow White!"
"I thought you loved that mirror?", the Queen asked.
"It used to tell me my dick is the longest in the world but now it refuses to look at it since I tried to shove it into its mouth."
"YOU WHAT? DISGUSTING BASTARD!"
"I am King. I do whatever I want."
So anyway, the Queen got hold of the mirror.
"Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me, whos the fairest of them all?"
The guy in the mirror woke up, and said, "Michael Jackson after his bleaching? No. Actually, Snow White. Duh. Did you even for a moment think it was you? You are scary beyond all reason! Anyway, wait till you hear what that husband of yours did to me!"
The Queen gave the mirror no chance to do that. She whacked it with the piece of Char siew and it smashed into a million pieces.
"Lai ren ah!", she screamed. "Kill Snow White for me! "
Luckily for Snow White, she was hiding behind the door when all these happened.
She ran to the well, and started to sing about how some day her prince will come.
Walking idly, she arrived at this little hut. Being the rude and ill-mannered princess she is, she walked into the hut without knocking, and saw 7 little dwarves watching soccer in underwear. One of them was reading a porn magazine.
You think Liang Po Po is the ugliest thing since evolution, but you have no idea. A dwarf in underwear is infinitely worse. Snow White screamed in horror.
But too bad for Snow White. A scream is the last thing she should have done, because it immediately idenifies her as a lady and what would seven ugly men living alone want?
A maid of course.
The dwarves shoved Snow White into the room, and started to get her to clean up the house, while they continued drinking ale while watching soccer.
With this, Snow White lived for a few months. She particularly hated Sneezy the dwarf coz he always throws his used tissues around. Snow White was held prisoner because she was too dumb to unlock the door.
In case you are wondering why the dwarves are not sexually interested in Snow White, it is because Snow White is too big for them. In physical size.
So anyway, one day the dwarf called Grumpy decided to let Snow White have an apple and take a rest, coz Snow White cleaned his room particularly well that day. What he doesn't know is that Snow White hates him and have put chilli powder into his underwear, but I guess what he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him.
Snow White took a bite and decided to act like she died. She somehow had this feeling that this would get her out of the house. She also read in several story books that a kiss from a prince will revive the dead, and it seems that princes only like to kiss dead girls? So she will pretend to be dead and come to life when a prince kisses her! She tried not to think how disgusting it is if it were the dwarves to kissed her instead.
And what if it was Lee Kwan Yew who kissed her? Oh no! But she will have to take chances.
The dwarves found Snow White dead and shoved her into the forest to rot, and got on with their lives.
Snow White laid on the ground, sobbing in her heart, as the forest is a dreadful place and she feels really sorry for herself that she has to live her life this way. Where should she go? She can't even go home, her mum will (literally) kill her! And she didn't dare open her eyes, she was scared the dwarves would still be there; scared of what she will see...
Suddenly, she heard steps of a horse and a man... Not light steps like those of the dwarves... Steps of a real man... And the air was filled with the sensual smell of Davidoff purfume... Ah... What arousal...
Snow White knew there was hope. It must be her Prince!! She prayed and prayed that her cleavage can be seen... and that her hair covered that stupid pimple she just got.
The Prince bent down, and gave Snow White a deep, tongue wrestling, lip-locking kiss, which took away Snow White's breath and melted her heart. She could feel his sharp nose and chiselled face against hers, and his luscious lips; they are oh, so soft....
Snow White fluttered her long dark eyelashes open, to see a hunky, dark-haired man with dark brown curls looking at her lovingly...
"Oh, you must be my prince!", Snow White exclaimed.
"Yes.... You are beautiful, my Princess...."
"Are u gonna marry me?"
"Yes, my dear..."
"Do you gamble, drink excessively, and watch soccer all the time?"
"No, no, and no..."
"Will you promise to only love me and never have sex with other women, men, or animals?"
"Children?"
"Children as well. And dead people."
"Oh, alright. I suppose you are pretty enough for me to promise that."
"Are you rich?"
"Yes. I am a millionaire."
"Do you have a eight inch number and can last more than 15 minutes?"
"Its 9 and a half to be exact. And I can last for 2 hours."
"Oh my God you are perfect!"
"And I love you, my princess... There... You must be tired.. Let me ride you on horseback to my castle..."
"Yes, yes my Prince..."
With that, Snow White travelled for 3 days on the Prince's horse.
She arrived at a construction site.
"Oh, the castle is still building?", she queried.
"Uhmmmm...", the Prince mumbled.
Snow White vomitted blood and died on the spot, this time for real.
*****
Oh no I am so bo liao. LOL
So anyway, 17 years ago this woman had sex with an albino, and after that, she got a baby daughter who looks really pretty, and her face was white as snow, her hair a jet black, and her lips red as blood. The proud mother called her Snow White.
The albino daddy of Snow White decided to turn gay, so the mother brought her baby daughter to the local pub where she could drown all her sorrows. Alas, she got drunk again, but this time, the one night stand turned out to be a Prince! The desperate Prince was forced by his dying mum to marry a fat and ugly princess from the next country before he could be King, so he decided to marry Snow White's mum instead, faking his mum that Snow White was his daughter but he was just afraid to acknowledge her a year ago.
The Prince's mother died and the Prince was made King, making Snow White a princess.
Now there's a problem. As the Queen got older and more wrinkled, the King seems to eye beautiful Snow White more and more. One day, the Queen saw the King touch Snow White's hands lustily!
"AHEM!"
The King and Snow White jumped apart.
"My King, it has been long since you gave me a gift.... I want a servant who can tell me how beautiful I am everyday, because apparently my daugther is getting more attractive than me, isn't she?!! HUH?!"
The King gave a loud grunt and heck cared the Queen, so the angry Queen smacked the King on the head with a piece of Char Siew.
"Oww~! That fucking hurts! What was that for? And where did that piece of thing come from?!"
"Its for ignoring me, you bastard! And its apparently called a Char Siew, this thing. Someone mailed it to me. I find no use for it except to whack you."
"Whatever. You are a wrinkled as Lee Kwan Yew."
"Who is that?!"
"Some Chinese man which our prophet says will be the most wrinkled man on Earth in future."
"Our prophet always talks bullshit! Ask him to predict the next war and he will say something like, 'Do-do birds will be extinct.' Wtf? Do-do birds will never be extinct, they are everywhere! What an idiotic prophet we have!"
The King took advantage of the situation, grabbed the Char Siew, and smacked the Queen on the head.
"Go get urself that magic mirror in my room and stop yakking and yakking! Leave me alone with Snow White!"
"I thought you loved that mirror?", the Queen asked.
"It used to tell me my dick is the longest in the world but now it refuses to look at it since I tried to shove it into its mouth."
"YOU WHAT? DISGUSTING BASTARD!"
"I am King. I do whatever I want."
So anyway, the Queen got hold of the mirror.
"Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me, whos the fairest of them all?"
The guy in the mirror woke up, and said, "Michael Jackson after his bleaching? No. Actually, Snow White. Duh. Did you even for a moment think it was you? You are scary beyond all reason! Anyway, wait till you hear what that husband of yours did to me!"
The Queen gave the mirror no chance to do that. She whacked it with the piece of Char siew and it smashed into a million pieces.
"Lai ren ah!", she screamed. "Kill Snow White for me! "
Luckily for Snow White, she was hiding behind the door when all these happened.
She ran to the well, and started to sing about how some day her prince will come.
Walking idly, she arrived at this little hut. Being the rude and ill-mannered princess she is, she walked into the hut without knocking, and saw 7 little dwarves watching soccer in underwear. One of them was reading a porn magazine.
You think Liang Po Po is the ugliest thing since evolution, but you have no idea. A dwarf in underwear is infinitely worse. Snow White screamed in horror.
But too bad for Snow White. A scream is the last thing she should have done, because it immediately idenifies her as a lady and what would seven ugly men living alone want?
A maid of course.
The dwarves shoved Snow White into the room, and started to get her to clean up the house, while they continued drinking ale while watching soccer.
With this, Snow White lived for a few months. She particularly hated Sneezy the dwarf coz he always throws his used tissues around. Snow White was held prisoner because she was too dumb to unlock the door.
In case you are wondering why the dwarves are not sexually interested in Snow White, it is because Snow White is too big for them. In physical size.
So anyway, one day the dwarf called Grumpy decided to let Snow White have an apple and take a rest, coz Snow White cleaned his room particularly well that day. What he doesn't know is that Snow White hates him and have put chilli powder into his underwear, but I guess what he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him.
Snow White took a bite and decided to act like she died. She somehow had this feeling that this would get her out of the house. She also read in several story books that a kiss from a prince will revive the dead, and it seems that princes only like to kiss dead girls? So she will pretend to be dead and come to life when a prince kisses her! She tried not to think how disgusting it is if it were the dwarves to kissed her instead.
And what if it was Lee Kwan Yew who kissed her? Oh no! But she will have to take chances.
The dwarves found Snow White dead and shoved her into the forest to rot, and got on with their lives.
Snow White laid on the ground, sobbing in her heart, as the forest is a dreadful place and she feels really sorry for herself that she has to live her life this way. Where should she go? She can't even go home, her mum will (literally) kill her! And she didn't dare open her eyes, she was scared the dwarves would still be there; scared of what she will see...
Suddenly, she heard steps of a horse and a man... Not light steps like those of the dwarves... Steps of a real man... And the air was filled with the sensual smell of Davidoff purfume... Ah... What arousal...
Snow White knew there was hope. It must be her Prince!! She prayed and prayed that her cleavage can be seen... and that her hair covered that stupid pimple she just got.
The Prince bent down, and gave Snow White a deep, tongue wrestling, lip-locking kiss, which took away Snow White's breath and melted her heart. She could feel his sharp nose and chiselled face against hers, and his luscious lips; they are oh, so soft....
Snow White fluttered her long dark eyelashes open, to see a hunky, dark-haired man with dark brown curls looking at her lovingly...
"Oh, you must be my prince!", Snow White exclaimed.
"Yes.... You are beautiful, my Princess...."
"Are u gonna marry me?"
"Yes, my dear..."
"Do you gamble, drink excessively, and watch soccer all the time?"
"No, no, and no..."
"Will you promise to only love me and never have sex with other women, men, or animals?"
"Children?"
"Children as well. And dead people."
"Oh, alright. I suppose you are pretty enough for me to promise that."
"Are you rich?"
"Yes. I am a millionaire."
"Do you have a eight inch number and can last more than 15 minutes?"
"Its 9 and a half to be exact. And I can last for 2 hours."
"Oh my God you are perfect!"
"And I love you, my princess... There... You must be tired.. Let me ride you on horseback to my castle..."
"Yes, yes my Prince..."
With that, Snow White travelled for 3 days on the Prince's horse.
She arrived at a construction site.
"Oh, the castle is still building?", she queried.
"Uhmmmm...", the Prince mumbled.
"Actually I've got something to tell you. My name is Joe Millionaire."
Snow White vomitted blood and died on the spot, this time for real.
*****
Oh no I am so bo liao. LOL
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