Friday, January 5, 2007

"Are you Xiaxue?"

Brad Pitt was reportedly in Panama when a someone asked if he is Brad Pitt, in which he smiled mysteriously and replied, "Sometimes".

Actually the report just said he smiled, but I am gonna go ahead and presume that he did it mysteriously with a small wink, because that's how I imagine Brad Pitt to be.

I bet the dude have been thinking about how to reply this oft-asked question for hours, without the usual, "Er, yes?" and when he thought of "Sometimes" (with the correct amount of mysterious smile set into it, naturally) he hit gold!!

From today onwards, I shall reply, "sometimes" to the question of whether I am Xiaxue.

It makes people wonder, during the times when she is not Xiaxue, what is she? A talented violin player? Or perhaps a practising shaman? And they think, Wow, there must be so much more going on beneath that radiant smile and fake nose, it's all intriguing and stuff.

Don't laugh, I'm practicing my mysterious smile, and it is coming on very well indeed.

You will be shocked by my stellar quality.

*waves regally*

Thursday, January 4, 2007

Nothing in particular

I just feel like rambling on today, as if this is really a diary, so if you get bored, pardon me.

People have been emailing me asking about getting nose jobs, and it's suddenly like I am the expert in plastic surgery!

I know I am kinda warped, but I feel proud to have had done it, akin to, say, joining the mile high club (ie having sex on the plane) or something.

If you are 22 like me, do you know anyone who have done plastic surgery before? Besides frivolous aquaintances, I don't know ANYONE who has done it!

I don't think it's BRAVERY or COURAGE, like so many of you have said... I DIGRESS!

Why do you guys keep saying I am brave? That's ridiculously weird; I don't think I'm brave at all, and a word like that is used to describe people who die for their friends in the warfield, or go on a death mission up a space shuttle to blast a meteorite approaching Earth, etc... not for someone who did a fucking nose job.

That sort of just degrades that word. Courage. Over-used.

I feel quite... I don't think there's a term for this sort of feeling, somewhat undeserving mixed with embarrassed (let's call it underrassed), as I think doing plastic doesn't need bravery - it just needs you to rank vanity high enough on your list of priorities.

Besides, I had the best surgeon, (literally) didn't work for the money that paid for it, and had almost nothing to worry about, least of all pain because I suffered almost none.

Other than the fact that I have not dug my nose for 3 weeks now, which I find a supreme pleasure. Ah! Nose-digging! You don't miss it till you can't do it. (I clean it with a q-tip you idiots)

Why is it that when you insert something into an orifice that's somewhat tight-fitting it always feels good?

So yeah, you can strike off "brave" from my list of good qualities, but hey, you can add "pretty nose" to it!

I know having a pretty nose is not a good quality per se, but I was drinking water from the tap yesterday, and guess what?

The nose hit the tap!!!!!!!

MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

It's so sharp it hit the tap! That never happened before!!!! Shiok. Is surely a good quality to have.

Yeah yeah back to me knowing nobody else who has done plastic surgery. Yeah! I feel quite proud of it! I guess I am just mad this way because I try so hard to be different.

I have this thing going on automatically inside my head that makes me dislike things that are common, especially with regards to looks and style - ie office wear, charles and keith's stupid kitten heels, silver or black phones, silver or black laptops (bloody engineers should never design things), comic sans, brown rebonded hair blah blah the list goes on.

So don't ask me to put less make up or dye my hair dark again, or straighten my hair. That's not my style, and it will never happen. =)

Gillian told me that we were interviewing this atheist guy on an episode of Girls Out Loud, and she said he had written his views on a forum and was the only one leaving his email - plus his arguments were ridiculously lengthy.

I told her, "Wow, I know of someone just like that!" and she said, yeah? who?

I said Gabriel, a fellow editor of tomorrow.sg.

Not completely to my surprise, Gillian said, "That's exactly the one!"

I said, "Ew... He tries so hard to be different."

and Gillian replied, "Funny! That's exactly what he said about you."

I replied, "..." like how they write a mumbled indistinct weak retort in story books, because I didn't really realise it till that point, but it's completely true.

I do try hard to be different. Don't we all? Well, I suppose not.

And naturally, Gab and I have some similar points, though his trying-to-be-different method is intellectually, while mine tends to be a lot more superficial.

We both dislike macs and organised religion and despise their fellowers even more. (At least that's what I gathered from his blog, though he might argue on the word "dislike" because he is that sort of person)

He does like long rebonded hair tho, but I suppose that's because the look is unique within the men.

Back to nose jobs. Man, I can't stop talking about it!!

Nowadays, when I go out to town with friends, I keep pointing at people and going, "Fuck, that girl had a nose job, I'm fucking sure," and my friends will be like "where, where?", totally believing me.

Coz it takes one to know one mah! I can recognise a fellow fake nose anywhere!!!

I feel like I am betraying the plastic surgery sisterhood, but because I used to be so curious as to how to tell, now that I can, I shall share the secret with you guys!!

Anyway, this only applies to Asian people (maybe Africans too?) because most of the time angmohs either remove a bump on their bridge, or make their nostrils smaller, which doesn't require them to put an implant.

Even if they do put an implant, it is not that easy to tell because a high bridge suits caucasian faces better.

For the unfortunate races with either flat or flashy noses, they normally insert an implant and do alar (sides of nose) work.

Here's how to tell, especially if it's bad surgery:


Tapering of nose



This is for people who have narrowed their tips... Notice how the tip looks smaller than the middle section, or the same size - highly unnatural.


Ridiculous looking bridge



Unfortunately for Asian people with nasal implants, their flat faces, especially when viewed from the side, does not match a highly increased nose bridge very well.

When you can see that the nose clearly starts higher up (ie at brows level) than it normally should, the person has an implant almost for sure.


Weird shadows



Perhaps the most tell-tale sign of all is the way shadows fall on the nose. Now, an implant, when viewed cross-sectioned, is like a less curved semi-circle.

Therefore, when the implant ends (at the side of the nose), there is a tiny groove before it meets the natural bone of the person.

As such, the skin covering the sides of the nose is not entirely smooth but would have a grooved line along the side edges of the implant.

This causes a very definitive shadow that runs along the length of the nose... It would be bright at the very top where the light hits, then suddenly turn darker, whereas on a natural nose the shadows are gradual (as I shaded for you guys) because the normal nose is rounder.


Triangular nostils and "stiff" alar



In the case of alar reduction, nostrils are triangular and have a very "pinched" look, whereas a normal nose is almost never this shape and would be roundish.

As I mentioned before, Alar reduction involves cutting off flesh from the sides of the nose (where the nose joins the face) and sewing it up again. While this procedure does ensure the nose is narrower and less bulbous, too much of the alar cut off also sacrifices the natural curvature of the alar, causing it to look very straight and stiff.

It's almost like the nose is tented up.

Woah! Machiam expert right?!

Alright enough!! I spent so much time looking for the photos and it is 11.16am now and I AM YET TO SLEEP! Crazy or what??

Good night ya all!

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Diary of the nose

I wrote this just for keeps, so it's not interestingly written, but if you guys are interested to know how the surgery went... :)

Day of surgery:


Was pretty nervous about my surgery, but I really loved the crew of Girls Out Loud, so I felt quite happy that they were all there with me...

The guys were pretending to be macho and didn't show a scared side, but my director Gillian, producer Joan, our assistant producer Ashley, stylish Elisa, and of course Rozz was there too, and they kept shooting me scared looks and told me it will be cool and I shouldn't worry.

Before the surgery started it was all hectic coz I had to do an interview with 8 days, eat a bit of lunch (supposed to be a 4.5 hour surgery!), swallow a gazillion pills, as well as change into my surgical gown and remove all my make up!!!!

Momo came too, with my Auntie Susan, and she was quite emotional and all, hugging me and crying... -_-

At this point I started feeling a little jittery, coz although I would say I am ok with pain, I still didn't like it yeah!

But Dr Huang appeared super confident and is also super shuai! Hehehe... He said there won't be any pain.

So yup, finally got on the table, which was lowered such that my head is tilted back a little. I had sleeping pills but was frankly too excited to feel sleepy at all.

Dr Huang started injecting numbing shots, which hurt a little - at the sides of my nose, and into the tip of my upper inner lip. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't very painful, hmm..

So yeah, after I got numbed he injected local anesthesia, and it was injected all over the place! Like 30 shots or something!

My heart started pounding and I trembled all over; must be due to some funny chemical reaction, but the shots of LA wasn't painful due to the fact I was already numb.

It was SUCH a funny feeling, I could still feel the existance of my nose, but it felt like it was a lump of stone and you can do anything to it and I don't give a shit.

Started with the cutting.

I felt really terrified when he started, because I was afraid that for some reason the LA won't work and I can feel it all!!!!

But well, no feeling at all.

Dr Huang had to cut certain spots such that my nose's tip, according to him, "opened up like a book".

Was really weird feeling coz I can sense that he is tugging at open flesh, but felt no pain.

The proceduce for the insertions took a long while, and I started to feel pretty bored by the time it was done.

However, I stayed awake, and talked incessantly to Dr Huang.

I think he must have been pretty irritated by me!

I swear it felt like I was on drugs or being drunk, I kept mumbling rubbish which I think has no meaning, and I cannot remember them after I am done.

I know that I asked him if Black or Indian people have the same shade of pink meat underneath their skin. It's not a racist question, I was sincerely curious because, you know, black chicken has their meat black also right?

Dr H's answer was that it is the same colour underneath all our skins. Ah! Now I know!

So we kept talking, basically with me asking him what's going on about the surgery, and he was a perfect sport and answered everything.

At this point I really felt I had to pee, so they gave me a bedpan... So paiseh, all the nurses can see and so could Dr H, though I think it was done under the blanket. But oh! SO GOOD can when the urine came all out. WHAT? I drink a lot of water for the pills ok!

It was time for the implant, and also to remove fatty tissue from my tip.



I could feel (when I say feel I mean I am aware he is doing it, but I felt no pain whatsoever) him sawing away at the two white soft bones, and later on, also sawing away at my nose bridge. It turns out he was just preparing for the implant to be inserted.

Put in, take out, put in, take out...

The implant took a long time to perfect, and he had to keep sculpting and sculpting it till it was what he wanted, and I fell asleep at this point.

When I woke up, he was still doing the bloody implant!

So happy I have such a professional surgeon lah! By this time we have over-shot the predicted time of surgery, which is like 4.5 hours.

In the background I can hear Gillian say stuff like, "Can we change the tape for a bit?" or our sound-guy Brando saying he has to change Dr H's battery. -_-

After that he started on the Alar, also known as "wings" in latin, which is the two fat flaps I have as my nose's sides.

This part felt a bit funny, because I was totally aware that Dr H was CUTTING meat off me, and it would have been so painful if not for the vulnerable bit of anesthesia I had in me. It's kinda scary, because I didn't know if it (LA) would go off suddenly, but as it turns out, anesthesia runs out GRADUALLY, so if you start to feel a bit of pain just tell your surgeon to put more in!

Which is what I did a few times - could feel the knife a wee bit and got freaked out, but Dr H was very pro and immediately injected me with the god-sent anesthesia.

This is obviously not Dr H's fault, because he put enough LA for 6 hours as a safe bet, and by then it was 6 hours already.

After the alar was cut I remember asking Dr H:

"Oooh my flesh cut out?"

Dr H, "Yup..."

Me, "Where it is?!"

Dr H, "It is beside me on a tray. I will throw them away unless you wish to keep it." (That guy has a wicked sense of humour which he protrays with a totally straight face. Of course I cannot see his face, duh -my eyes are covered with some graze - but yeah, can SENSE it)

Me, "Can I have them? I want to throw it at someone I don't like."

Dr H, "Haha ok."

He said ok! I think I already know who I want to throw it at!!!! :D

After all the cutting is the SEWING... The stitching went on for AGES, had like, I don't know, 3 thousand stitches, and at one point I felt a bit of pain and told Dr H about it...

He was like, "Do want want some LA on it?"... I thought about it and decided that the pain was really tolerable, so I told him that and he said "Alright!" and went on happily sewing. :D

So yup, after 7.5 horrible hours the surgery is finally done. I had a first look in the mirror, so when people from Extreme Makeover act like they are all shocked to see it when the bandages come off it is all fake nia!

Nice and narrow and sharp!

Had a groggy time getting off the table, and my mom and cousin Cally was there to support me. :)

Had fish soup which Momo bought from Holland V, and waited up till 12.30am to show my baby my new nose on webcam. He is the only worry I had, coz I am soooo scared he won't like my new nose can!

He seemed ok though, so all is good!

Day 1 after surgery:


Was given a stringe thing to wash the insides of my nose with salt water.

Yuck! I dug it gently it to some cotton buds, and the bud had like mucus and brownish blood on it. Double yuck!

Otherwise, I'm feeling no discomfort except a dull numbing pain on the nose... It's like when u just pierced your ears, the feeling is quite negligible.

A total of like 9 different pills to eat, one cream to apply on the stitches and the salt-water bath thing. Bah!


3 thousand pills

Had to sleep with double pillows and try to sleep upright, but Dr H said that it is ok to sleep at the side if I really want to, as long as I don't sleep ON the nose. Who the hell does that?!

I asked if gravity will cause the implant to shift, and he said nonchalantly, "That's ok, because we can always push it back."

GAH!

I've been a good girl, keep washing the nose with salt water and also applying my cream regularly. There is no blood coming out, so that's a good thing!!

I can't laugh though, I feel like I will burst the stitches!



You know what improves complexion? Plastic surgery!

After the surgery my nose was swollen, and that apparently makes me have better blood circulation and my cheeks were super rosy and my lips full! Shiok.


Day 2:



Gonna go see Dr Huang later at 4pm.

I woke up at 1am, feeling a bit panicky, coz I feel that my nose, which I obviously can't wash with the bandages, will get soooooo oily the bandages (which are more like tape as u can see), will fall off! GAH!

I wonder if Dr H will retape me? I hope so, then I can get a glimpse of the nose!

Ben said he will go with me. Stupid Mike is at his friend's place and I haven't spoke to him for like 2 thousand years. I think he doesn't want me anymore. =(

Day 3:

Getting sick of fishy food. Momo was very nice and cooked cod fish for me, very yummy! Yes, I know I am contradicting myself but whatever.




I love my momo because she took such good care of me when I was home-ridden.


Day 4 - 5:

Woohoo getting stitches off soonish!!! Tired of staying at home and tired of oily tapes...


Developed some bruising

Yes I know it looks like nose hair.


Day 6:

Met unreasonable angmoh who snatched my cab on the way to take off stitches. Bitch.


Day 8:

Went ktv with Weili, shuyin, alvin, wanyi and zhengchang! The buggers KEEP making me laugh and my freshly healed wounds threatened to burst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(imitating various singers and also laughing at me everytime I laughed by squeezing my cheeks close together)


Day 12:

Had horrible nightmare of implant shifting to the side. It was so bloody realistic! The implant shifted like 1 cm to the right, leaving a dent in the middle.

I touched it, and it felt all mushy and squishy! EWWWWWWWWW!

Woke up with a horrific fright and nervously touched the nose.

It is ok, Wendy, it is ok, just a dream.

Also, I was feeling very warm that day. I touched my nose, and it is surprisingly cool! Muahaha... Isn't that just funny.


Recovery chart of nose.


Have to constantly put yellow ointment on it, so the wounds won't dry it and split or something...

Yeah yeah, you think you don't have nose hair meh?

p/s: Some of you kept asking me if it is painful. If on a scale of pain, 1 - 10, 1 being getting pinched and 10 being stabbed repeatedly on the genitals, I'd say it's...

2 on average throughout the whole surgery, even inclusive of the injections.

I know the damn thing looks like it is so raw and painful, but it's actually totally remarkably not!

I'd say I'd have tolerated the pain and not cried even if I did this when I was, like, 8 or something. That's not to say young people should do plastic - it's a permanent life alteration, so think about it carefully!

It irritates me when people keep saying "pain" is part of their decision to not get a tattoo, plastic surgery, etc. You people are SOOOOO weird!!

Tattoos and plastic surgery are irreversible life-altering things, and you care about like 2 hours of pain? SURELY there are many other things to think about besides a wee bit of hurt, especially when it is so temporary!

Pain is very low among the list of other things I would be considering; design being top.