I don't like the guys I like to be gay

Today I was excitedly telling Shuyin and June that I found this old song of Aniki Jin (Jin Cheng Wu? Takeshi Kaneshiro?) and I am very happy about it.

And I started skipping around and saying how handsome he is... *blush*

I mean, he used to be like the cutest ever when I was a mere teen, but as he aged he started to have this funny quality about his eyes, like they are a bit too sharp at the edges... Ok, fine, I don't know what I am talking about.

But it remains true than he used to be like so fricking cute in the 1990s!

SEE:

OMG I HAVE TO DIGRESS!

I suddenly realised why I no longer think Aniki Jin is as cute as before! Look at his brows!!!

It's the BA ZHI MEI!!!

Now come to think of it I realised I totally have a weakness for guys with eyebrows shaped like the chinese 8! I KNOW, RIGHT??! It gives them the puppy-eyed look, and I totally melt, I tell you.

Oh shit I just realised my favourite ex had ba zhi mei too, and so does the last guy I liked for a good six months.

OH GREAT. A great revelation discovered when I am blogging nonsense. All this while I thought what's so special about these guys that make me like them so much, and actually it was all in the damn eyebrows.

It is that simple and that superficial.

I am beginning not to be able to stand myself.

Back to Aniki Jin.

As I was saying, his eyebrows are no longer in that wonderful shape.

YES.

Totally.

But of course, he's still suave and everything, but just no longer that adorable, you know? But then again if he is so old and still cute it will be quite frightening.


I should just be happy he is still in showbiz... I used to like this singer called Adam Rickitt coz (GUESS WHAT?? I'm SO predictable) he also had the puppy-eyed look... and coz he is so blonde.

But no one knows what the hell Adam is doing nowadays.

For all I know he may be a lumberjack.

All I know about him in like 1999 was when Eileen asked me to watch this MTV called I Breathe Again where Adam Rickitt was posing nude (he was an alien of some sort I think!) and I started hyperventilating.

But he is gone! I think not too many girls share my love for ba zhi meis. Sad.




So Aniki Jin...

Just after I skipped around saying how handsome Aniki Jin is, Shuyin just said, "Too bad lor, he is gay."

"WHAT?! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.

I jumped onto Shuyin and attempted to throttle her to death for sprouting rubbish. IT CAN'T BE!

Breathlessly, Shuyin pushed the blame to June and said it was June who said so.

June shrugged nonchalantly and said that she had a friend who dunno what dunno what met Aniki and "had the vibes" and "can see" that he was gay.

I was like, "Duh, that's totally not reason enough for you to think he's gay right?!"

Once again she shrugged and Shuyin said, "Well, all these years he's in showbiz, he had not had any scandals with girls!"

I silently thought, But neither with guys! but I kept quiet.


................


Just now, I was about to go to sleep when I thinking about nonsense as usual... This time I thought about if I had the chance to have sex with ANYONE in this world, who will it be?

And then my thoughts wondered to Aniki Jin...

Heehee... I'll make him sing to me first before sex, act out a scene in Chungking Express, then during, I'll make him sprout Japanese and make those grunting noises that Japanese men like to make... oh yes the wet look is not bad too... heeheehee OOPS did I just write those out loud?

Just as I smiling to myself, there and then I FELT THIS IMMENSE, IMMENSE SADNESS OVERWHELMING ME!!!!!!!!!

He is gay and he will never like me!

It is crazy to be so sad over such a stupid thing!

I know I'll possibly never ever really get to shag him, but I'd love to still at least have a bit of hope about it, right?

I mean, I want to, as I put on my make up, think to myself, "Wow girl, today you look great! Maybe today you will see Aniki Jin and he would want to have sex with you."

I would hate to think that thought to myself, and think continue with the thought, "Yeah right, as if he would look at you even if you flashed your pussy. He likes dick."

MAN, THATS ONE SHITTY THOUGHT.

It is so shitty it makes the world around me so damn sad.

I look at the willowing Pandan Reservior trees and think of them as freaks of nature with lots of fungus and diseased bark and worms on it. I look at a bar of Calbury chocolate, and see only fats. You get me?

THAT'S HOW SAD IT IS TO HAVE A GUY YOU LIKE BE GAY!

I mean, if he is a mass murderer you can tell him, "Hey, cut it out dude. Stop the mass murdering shit... I wanna love you."

And he might change for you.

If he is an awful singer you can just ask him to stop singing. BUT GAY!

That's just sad coz he won't even care what you think!

I don't like the guys I like to be gay. :(

p/s: Blogger is down at the moment! Gah! Also, see this link! Very cool ad. :)

Blogging is great! :D

Sometimes this blogging thing gets so overwhelming, that I forget the simple pleasures I get from this blog.

One of the reasons I blog is before it is so damn cool to be able to look back at how you looked like and thought like in the past!

A few weeks back, Weili baked some soft (by soft I mean it can't really stand up straight) cheesecake, and I told him he had improvement already; the one he baked in 2004 melted so bad, it was considered to be a liquid state.

Weili denied that he had ever baked such an atrocity before, and I rolled my eyes at him and confidently said, "YES YOU DID, I EVEN BLOGGED ABOUT IT!!!" while pulling out a bit of hair.

With this he went, "Really meh?" in a meek voice and I said to him that I will prove it to him tonight. Which I did - by searching my archives!

Cool huh?

I started the blog in April 2003.... It is almost 3 years now! It is really kinda sweet to know that I have friends whom I have been blogging about throughout all these years. :)

I was feeling bored that day, so I decided to do a growth chart for Shuyin and me... since August 2003 - which is the earliest pictures the blog has.

I present....

Miss Teo Shuyin:

She used to have such chubby cheeks! I think she looks a lot nicer now...

And of course... Myself:

Look very different huh??

Think it's the tan and lighter coloured hair. Hahaha... You know what the funny thing is? At every point of time in my life I've always thought I looked the best I ever could.

For example in 2003, I used foundation, mascara, curlers, blushers, dark eyeshadows, lipsticks and eyeliners. I thought that was all the make up you can ever put on ur face, and so my face was the best looking it could be. (Clearly, as you can see, is not true)

And I also had curly long hair which was dyed a shitty shade of brown, but I thought, that must be good enough.

But as I grew older I discovered more and more things...

I realised there are hair dye colours which suit you more...

There's something called tanning.

And plain mascara is not enough - there is also the sort with white fibres in them to make lashes even longer.

And then that sort of mascara is not enough too! Eyelash extensions are even better.

And nowadays, I don't even do extensions or mascara - I just put fake lashes.

Eye colour? Never thought in 2003 that coloured lens can make my eyes look even more captivating!

Even if I wanted black eyes, I'd also go for the Big Eye lens. :)

So in conclusion, I think there quite no limits for beauty. I often wonder why girls sometimes don't bother to doll themselves up.

I mean, it is not even an issue of vanity for me anymore! I just have seen myself prettier, and I cannot drop my standards and allow myself to be uglier than I know I can look.

Just like if you scored 90 for an exam and you take the same exam a second time, you won't allow yourself to score 50, would you? Because you KNOW you are capable of a 90.

(For example that day I didn't bring eyelash glue out and I had to put mascara instead. Although my natural lashes are pretty long as it is, mascara just didn't seem good enough!! I felt so unhappy the whole day. BAH!)

I know this entry is very pointless.

No particular title

LONGGGGGGG POST

Had a happy CNY everyone? Mine was pretty good!

Well sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy meeting up with friends and all, and I haven't gotten down to opening my ang pows (red packets with money) yet!

I heard my Uncle Johnny haven't opened his in many years and I have plans to rob his drawer.

Isn't so damn cool to have a custom whereby the happily married are obligated to give the unmarried people money? I don't know how the married people feel, but I think they deserve it for finding true love and yadda yadda. *self satisfied smile*

It's great!

I wish every New Year, people will have customs of giving money to, I don't know, people with no boyfriends, people who are short, people with no "real jobs", people with bad hair, etc.

In exchange for packets of money, these recepients give worthless oranges, and utter some words of praise. HEEHEEHEE :D

Ain't CNY great?!?!?!

Because I was a great model for Localbrand, Turodrique decided to give a tee to my brother. While I met him, he suddenly told me he realised one difference between Maddox and me.

I DIGRESS!

SPEAKING OF MADDOX, I was reading Tucker Max the other day, and his blog stated that he went out for a drink with Maddox (OMG OMG!), and guess WHAT?!

MADDOX'S GIRLFRIEND IS ASIAN!

Well Tucker Max said that she is Asian, hot, and also ate a lot.

Wait wait wait in case you haven't noticed, me = Asian, Hot, and Eat a Lot. I KNOW PEOPLE WHO EAT A LOT TEND NOT TO BE HOT, but whatever man, hotness is subjective and who knows, Maddox might like thunder thighs?

BUT THE POINT IS!

I HAVE A CHANCE!

Please don't hold on to me like that, I'm going now to Salt Lake City, Utah. I KNOW MADDOX WOULD LOVE TO DATE ME!! :D

Some of you may frown and say he isn't too good looking, but hey, who cares, he's just too cool. :) I imagine if I married him and I had to give birth and the baby wouldn't come out, he would just push the surgeon aside, grunt in frustration, and use his bare hands to pull the baby out.

In the case of the baby's head not being severed, my birth would be wonderfully primal! WAHHAHAHA! When my female friends ask me, hey, how was your birth? I will go like, Oh, my husband pulled little Prestige out... Cool, ain't he?

:D

So back to Turodrique, Turodrique was saying that Maddox never ever gives airtime to his detractors, and T reckons I should learn from that.

It is true you know! I am famous (in case you mistakenly read this in an arrogant tone, I'm saying it in a rather sad, but matter-of-fact tone), and naturally, people all want a piece of the action.

Which is why these losers write about me, because they know, even if they claimed they did not want to be associated with me *roll eyes*, that the only way they can get attention is to write about me.

In other words, without me, they are nothing.

Let me eat my words by telling you a little story, which is, of course, 100% fiction.

Now years ago, a girl joined a blogging competition organised by a big Telco company.

Let's call her Henna.

One of the contestants was gay, and it was stated all over his private blog, which, we all know, is not really private.

Gay boy 1 was on pretty good terms with Henna. He also had a best friend, called Gay boy 2, also gay.

Now Henna read Gay Boy 1's blog long before she got closer to him, so she told another contestant that Gay Boy 1 is gay... This piece of news was gossipy, simply because it was a dating/blogging competition they were all in, well, I suppose that means you should be straight.

This other contestant then proceeded to tell the whole world that Gay Boy 1 was gay.

Gay Boy 1 found out the source was Henna, and got very angry, threatening to sue Henna and whatever - which, as Henna pointed out to him, is not going to happen because Gay Boy 1 had written all over his blog himself that he was gay - and he certainly didn't tell Henna not to tell anyone.

Gay Boy 2, as best friend, also got very angry with Henna, and started to write very bad stuff about Henna all over his blog.

Meanwhile, there was another mediocre contestant in the blogging contest, and her name is Gina.

She claims to be a full-time model, but is the sort you will raise your eyebrows at, because you'll go like, "Woah, so ugly also can be full-time model?!".

Gina was on ok terms with Henna, but who knows what people would do for a piece of fame?

Years passed.

Henna read something in the news which made her laugh one day.

Gay Boy 1 and Gay Boy 2 were caught and put to jail for something they wrote in their blogs!

Oh, they hated a certain race of llamas, and wanted that sort of llamas to all be killed. :)

Of course, llamaism is against the law.

Gay Boy 2 got out of jail, and, out of goodness knows what reason (actually we all know why), jumped on the train to accuse Henna of llamaism too, trying to get Henna into trouble for his own prejudice.

In which of course Henna wasn't.

On national papers he claimed that he did not hate that sort of llamas (though he wished them all dead), and also claimed that Henna was the llamaist one.

Out of goodness knows where also popped up Gina, who supported the claim that Henna was llamaist!

Henna read the papers and laughed loudly, shaking her head, wondering how on Earth can some people be so bloody childish and unscrupulous.

Of course, people who read the papers will just presume that Gay Boy 2 and Gina had a just opinion on Henna, but in actual fact, they all held a grudge against her, since a long long time ago.

That long long time ago, they all blogged, and Gina and the gay boys never made it big like Henna did.

Only by hurting her they could get a piece of her online fame - which, obviously, can only last a while, because they were... sadly... still mediocre. :)

End of story.


Interesting not?

So yes, that's that, and - on a separate note that's not related to the story - it is just so difficult to let go of some things without explaining yourself.

But I promise this to myself. From today onwards, I will NOT blog about detractors anymore.

People pay me to blog - why should detractors get free airtime?

Yes, I'm human. But having a famous blog dehumanizes me, because I know I cannot show any weaknesses here. If I show any, people can't wait to grab it, pull a flock over it, and post it all over their blogs shouting the headline: "XX finally succumbs!"

I'm not gonna let that happen!

So, I'm gonna blog about my own stuff and totally ignore what other people are saying. :D

You can search all you want in technorati about my latest scandals, but I'm higher than that! I'm XX! You won't be able to get my attention; you are too trivial! *smirks*

Previously, I was stupid and allowed detractors to spam my comments.

Now, I moderate both blogger's and haloscan's comments, and nobody can get my fame without my permission anymore! Hurray for moderation!

Moving on to good technology, hurray for Mozilla too!

I just downloaded lotsa good extensions on it, and man does IE suck big time. Sorry Howard, but I just can't believe it is taking Microsoft so damn fucking long to come up with the tabs idea! (I can almost hear Howard arguing with me in my head)

So apparently IE's next version will have tabs, I heard.

A BIT TOO LATE! I'm now a mozilla fan!

I downloaded this extension, and whenever Mozilla crashes, it will come back to EXACTLY how it was before it crashed - which means no more deleted blog entries!

THAT CAN ONLY BE GOOD!

CNY photos!

Every CNY we would first go to my paternal grandparents' house to bian nian!

It is particularly nostalgic for me coz I used to be taken care of by my grandma when I was a kid, and most of my childhood consisted of me jumping all over her couch, eating her fried eggs with rice and dark soya sauce, and watching for the thousandth time Sun Wu Kong on tv.

New Year goodies!

Couldn't resist taking photos of myself. =) This year I decided my style will be "BOMBSHELL".

I kept irritating people I am buying clothes with by going like, "OMG, this is totally not bombshall, I won't buy it!".

See the letter B on my tank top? B FOR BOMBSHELL.

My little adorable cousin Vivian.


Wooh, smelly, I like!


My uncles are twins and they are so cute! :D


My grandpa! He used to be so handsome!

I have no idea what this plant is called, but my grandma calls it "chi ku teng" in Cantonese, and that kinda sounds like a dangling penis... And true to its name, my grandma says that the plant would help a pregnant lady give birth to a boy, for the plant kinda looks like the said genital.

She would know, she had four boys. Hahaha!

Everyone looking happy. :)


My cousins


My pretty skirt!

Some time ago I bought this satin-lace pink headband that I intended for the garter look (bombshell, you know) around my thigh but even with all the spring cleaning I couldn't for the life of me find it!

So I replaced it with a plain lace band. =( It's not quite the same thing and I looked like I got bandaged.

I love my grandma so much!

She always cares so much for me, but I can't even make the effort to go visit her more often! I'm such a bad grand daughter.

I didn't know this, but when I reached her place, I saw she framed up my newspaper clippings...

Ok, writing that just made me cry.

I'm gonna visit her A LOT MORE. Once a week. Every Monday.

My grandpa's fishies.



In the kitchen I am so familiar with

These photos have no point except that I used the same spoons to eat the same dessert since I was a child.

After this we move on to my uncle's place! It's at Duku road or something, and my mother NEVER FAILS to get lost every year.

This year I slept throughout and was quite happy she took her time to be lost.

On the sofa before my cousins arrived.

Now 2 days before CNY, I went out with my cousins to get new year clothes, and while we were at Lido's outdoor macdonalds, something happened.

This teenaged guy (macdonald employee), with fried yellow hair and a pervertish face (bespectacled, pimpled sort - you know that kind!), suddenly walked over to our table.

He bend down to me and announced very loudly,

"ARE YOU THE XIAXUE FROM YOU HUA ZHI SHUO?"

In chinese. And in his hand, he was holding the metal thing that pushes the rubbish further into the bins.

-_-

I got the shock of my life, and said yes in a small voice.

"Can I get your number and be friends with you?"

He asked. "BU KE YI! (No you can't!)" I replied in terror, and he walked away calmly.

He came back one more time after like 1 hour, to ask me how I earned money from my blog.

...

My cousins thought it was hilarious, and THEY REFUSED TO LET IT GO.

During CNY, conversations went like this:

Me, "Jo, can you pass me the green tea?"

Jocelyn, "Ok... But excuse me, are you the Xiaxue from You Hua Zhi Shuo?!"

CHAO TURTLE.

Very funny meh?!

Anyway, this year my cousins arrived very late coz there was a severe car accident at Steven's Road! According to Cally, they even saw the corpse wrapped up.

Wah lau, what a terrible, terrible thing to die on CNY! It's even worse than normal days coz the whole family will just have to stop celebrations and from that happy mood, transit an even longer way than usual into grief.

But enough of sad stuff...

Jo, Cally, her hubby, and Momo


My nails - awful

We moved on to my maternal Grandpa's place, where mahjong began. :D

Jo and I shared, and we lost like 30 bucks. Bah!

Chu Er, went to Kelvin's new house to eat steamboat!

I'm trying to persuade him to have a jacuzzi on the third floor. Well, I believe I am right to say that if u have a jacuzzi at house, and it is very good for suntanning, then surely a multitude of pretty girls will flock over dressed in skimpy gold bikinis, right?

I am right, and that's reason enough for a jacuzzi on the 3rd floor.

Look at Kelvin, he used to be so handsome!

Anyway, I'm proven wrong that wealth is measured by whether you have a state-of-the-art fridge...

Look what we found:

Shuyin sneers at Kelvin's fridge

The plasma TV was supposed to be drilled on to the wall


Russell looking a lot better with a tan!

Cafe Cartel!


:)

Oh, as you can see I added rubbish to my Xiaxue necklace.


My new shoes!

Nice huh? Green velvet. :)





Hao peng you!

And lastly, I shall make it a custom to end off blog entries with pretty photos of myself!

Super act-bombshell right? Haha so gross!

Tata!