Sorry everyone, about not writing yesterday's entry, which was supposed to be about June's bdae celebration.



It was pretty fun until June got pretty upset. Well June, great news for u babe, I'm like TOTALLY single again. Lets go to Zouk one of these days and choose a cute guy to ask for his number! Yaaay!! Single rules!



And i tan dio $50 plus (movie, camera and everything) from Bernard da Jerk!!! Since nothing good came out from him finally, it is good that I at least earned something. Yaaaay!!!



And u tan dio a birthday cake from Ronald!!! Yaaaay!!!



June's birthday



We went to orchard.







We took bo liao photos. Okie I asked everyone to take bo liao photos.



U look damn cute here, June.







Who thought of that silly pose? *ahem* Itz not a silly pose okie! June was being a great sport by agreeing although she knew for sure I would put it into the blog!







Very bo liao.



Have you ever thought of how it would be like to do a blow for God?

A bit crude yeah. LOLz







Haiz, the extent I would go to entertain you guys. Anyway since I have no sense of shame it is okie. Itz all in the name of fun. I seriously think this picture is a masterpiece. Wahahha...



Whats with guys and their fetish about dresses anyway?



I wore what u see I wore that day in the first pic. I mean, I wore what u can see I wore in the first pic that day. Okie u get the draft.



Throughout the day (before I met June, otherwise attention were being spread out among the girls, including Aaron) there were like numerous stares from guys. Good or bad stares, I have no idea.



Later on, I had to walk this long stretch of road to get home coz I keep forgetting that 143 has changed its route to not stop outside my house anymore.



I was happily humming to the tune in my discman feeling very cheerful indeed coz it is a wonder that my discman's batteries lasted that long!



Suddenly this Honda civic, pure white, stopped beside me.



The driver wound down the window.



Please take note that he did not see my face at all before he stopped coz he came from the back. I dun walk backwards.



He is like late 20s and slightly plump. Pervert looking.



"Would u like a lift?", the owner of the Civic said.



"No..." *continue walking*



To my horror instead of driving away he started to drive very slowly beside me. And whats worse is he is not even driving and trying to talk to me. He just kept quiet and awkwardly kept to my walking pace.



He gave up a short while later.



So scary sia.



After he disappeared for a while, he suddenly appeared beside me on the road again. I broke into a small jog. He finally got the hint that he scared me and drove off.



Yikes!



I'm not gonna wear dresses when I go home late alone again!!

Its officially over between Bernard and I coz it seems like he still likes his ex, among other reasons as too why he suddenly decides he doesnt like me.



Itz good oso, I can imagine how it would be like if I married an Ah beng.



Lets assume that he inherits the coffeeshop and continues selling Char siew noodles. Lets assume I seduced a famous scientist to tell the world that Char siew noodles help increase sperm count so the business is doing very well.



Lets assume that I continue to lead a credit-card-ad-gal life although I do not have a credit-card-guy husband.



Josh is our son (I plan to call my son Josh coz it sounds cute. Josh may be the most common name in future coz everybody seems to think all Joshes are cute. A few years back I thought of calling my son Prestige coz I wanted to lead a credit-card-gal life remember? And I want my son's name to sound as prestigious as his mum is. That was until someone reminded me that Prestige was the name for the Mercs cab.) who is 8 years old.



A typical scenerio.



Josh: "Mommy just now daddy ask me go buy cigarettes for him."



Me, on phone: "Ah den? Go buy lar. No money to buy meh?" *takes out a hundred dollar bill to give him and shoo him away*



Josh: "I go liao but the mama shop auntie scold me say I so young learn to smoke. And she say that the minimum age for buying cigarettes is now offically 48. I am 40 years from buying cigarettes."



Me, still on phone: "Oh become 48 liao meh 2 yrs ago was just 45. So terrible ah the government. Ok boy go ask Fatimah to buy it. Dun disturb mommy!"



Josh: "Ma u say hire illegal underaged maids cheaper mah, remember? Fatimah is only 2 yrs older than me leh."



Me, still on phone: "Hiyah ask Daddy stop bullying u and ask him go buy himself lar."



Josh: "He say his mistress working at the Pawnshop beside the mama shop is angry with him for hugging you in front of her so he cannot show face in front of her."



Me, still on phone: "Hiyoh new mistress from Pawnshop no wonder my Lazare diamonds keep disappearing! Stop talking to mommy liao, mommy on phone!"



Eddy, on the other line, growls after the long wait.



I am having an affair with Eddy whose interest in me suddenly increased after my boob, nose, liposuction and fake eyelashes job.



Me, to Eddy: "Sorry darling silly Joshie kept talking. I meet u later on my pink yacht? Not the lilac one ah."



Josh nudges me again.



Josh: "Mum, how to do this long division? Tml got class test on it, mummy."



Me, with Eddy grumbling in the background about wasting his previous engineer time: "Tell your teacher that the invention of pockets calculators have rendered long divisions useless."



Josh: *Brawls*



Me: "Dydy darling I call u later."



Eddy: *grumbles*



Me, to crying Josh: "Whats the matter, Joshie darling!"



Josh: "You and daddy are so horrible!" He proceeds to the living room to watch Pokemon Evolution version 4056.1, which thankfully just started to curb his crying. Bernard is in the living room too.



Bernard, drinking Guinness stout: "Ah boy, come see Daddy blow smoke rings. Hey oh yeah fuck no more cigarettes. Nabeh. Kosh ask you go and buy liao right? Bu ting hua one leh!"



Josh: "Mai ka jiao wa ai see pokemon." (he speaks in Hokkien to his father.)



Me: "Joshie baby later got violin lesson ah remember."



Bernard: "Si mi si violan lessan? Everytime only know how to waste my money one leh you. Got so much money send Kosh go take bike license lar! Violan no use one lar. Wait he become Guai Lan, not Violan sia!" *chuckles at his own joke, which no one finds funny*



Me: "1stly, our son's name is Josh, not Kosh. You could have tried to remember after 8 yrs! 2ndly, it is vioLIN, not LAN. 3rdly, Joshie is only 8, you want him take what bike license!"



Bernard: "Better than Kosh take Violan lesson! Waste lim pei money! U think sell Char siew very easy ah?! Ni na bei very hot one leh muz paint the Char Siew red colour. Balls overheated everyday, u think why sperm come out green colour. Stupid saboh dunno why I marry you."



*he proceeds to throw the empty Guinness can at my forehead and it hits the said area with a dull "bonk"*



Me: *blinks with the shock of a sudden object landing on my forehead*



Bernard: "Nothing to do go clean up the Louhan's fish tank lar, stand there like a piece of Char siew lidat!"



Me: "I want a divorce! Our marriage life is full of sex and violence!" *stops to comtemplate whether "full of sex" is a good thing, and decides it is not coz of the green sperms*



Josh: "Mommy what is green sperm, sex, and violence?"



Me: *points at Bernard*



Bernard, simultaneous with my pointing: *Throws another Guinness can at Josh's forehead.* "Kosh dun talk cok."



Josh: *breaks down the sight of his dyfunctional family*



Me: *breaksdown at the sight of my dyfunctional family, breaking my fake nose in the process*



Bernard: "Ni na bei no more cigarette, now no more Guinness." He fingers his thick gold chain as he pauses for a moment. "I go pawnshop for a while."



Bad indeed.

19 years and 9 mths ago a very good looking couple had sex. Very fortunately, the egg was ready to be fertilised on that fruitful day unlike the other 29 or so days of the month where it causes discomfort for ard 5 days for menstruation and PMS for every other day.



Speaking of which PMS is a very good excuse indeed to be grouchy.



9 mths after that day, an orgasm resulted in a new life being born into very hot Singapore. The good looking couple were elated with their first baby. 'She will be good looking like us', they thought.



"And smart and sweet like u, hubby", the wife added lovingly. The man smiled. They looked at the fruit of their love. Isnt it amazing how a small baby can grow into a gal 1.68m?



Well it did.



"Hi, my name is June, and I'm called June coz I'm born in June." said the baby, now a startling resemblance to Cantopop singer Joey Yung, in an unforgettable self-introduction speech as she stepped into a new phase of her life, tertiary education...



Whispers broke out ask ppl ard started calling themselves Aprils and Septembers. She forgot to mention, that not all of us have the right to call ourselves the month we are born in, coz she was born in the 1st of June.



This gal has been a very good friend of mine throughout my poly years. No doubt, I may have very good frens outside skool, but somehow my poly mates cannot really click with me except the rare few I mentioned here.



Thank you, June, for being there to make poly life so much more tolerable.



Thanks for being the fun loving one to make men-oogling so fun (and everything else).

Thanks for being there as a fren, not just a classmate, when I needed someone for support (ie Adryan times and Jonathan times)

Thanks for being tolerant to my crude jokes which ppl in class seem to not be able to accept.

Thanks for being so pretty so that I can attack the guy's friends when the guy attacks you.

Thanks for being there when I needed notes.

Thanks for everything, including using ur hair curler (which is like MINE now), giving me clothes too small for you and the numerous nuggets I took a bite out of.



Stop the tears already. This is my bdae prezzie for u this year. U wanted to know how u look like with a nice nose right? I gave u XF's nose, now photoshopped properly.







Dah.. I even gave u my best fren for a day, heehee... It will be a good picture to send into the Clean and Clear competition, haha...



U look great with her nose. I suggest u cut it off XF the next time u see her and stick it onto urself. No worrys about XF, she will go to Thailand again soon. Nose jobs are relatively cheap.



Happy birthday, Junny junny baby!



Everyone reading this leave a comment to tell her happy bdae too! Basic courtesy!